Nightmares

Posted on Sat Sep 19th, 2020 @ 10:28am by Ensign Alexandra 'Lexi' O'Connery & Lieutenant JG Mattias Constantine
Edited on on Sat Sep 19th, 2020 @ 10:29am

Mission: Mission 3 - 100
Location: Deck E Officers Quarters
Timeline: Day 53 Month 2 Year 0 00:45
3476 words - 7 OF Standard Post Measure

Lexi was stuck in a nightmare after everything that had happened in the last few days. The twisted memory played out as she slept, it was four years back and on the only date, she had ever had outside of the man she had been with all through secondary school who was now stood there on the path in front of her. It had ended in disaster thanks to David but the man was kind enough to walk her back to base to make sure she was at least safe.

“The ?” David demanded stood there snarling at the woman who dared to dump. She didn’t date, she wasn’t outgoing and he was pretty sure he could win her back but the man seemed to have authority suddenly around him unlike inside the bar. Despite the negative internal mantra biting at her nature Lexi felt herself burning with embarrassment that he had followed her to San Francisco from Britain. She was better than this “Is this your thing? Go after students? I thought this was military and instructors were not allowed to do that type of thing?” David said revealing he had obviously been drinking.

“Look. Just stop calling. Stop bothering. You didn’t care beforehand. I find it so difficult to understand how having an affair for an extended period of time is an easier thing to achieve than it is to talk to the woman you were obviously controlling about your feelings” She yelled at him as she heard a knocking somewhere distant. "I want to move on. I am ready to move on and I am not doing that with you."

“Well…” He started as Lexi started to move again taking Lucas with her as people stopped and looked. Ally did not want to always feel like second best, she wanted to be someone’s first and foremost. Wanted something proper where she could make mistakes and develop something strong.

“No.” Lexi found herself cutting him off from his explanation and words of apology. “If only you hadn't been so selfish and controlling. Fortunately, I am in a position where I don't have to live through the hell of staying in an unfaithful relationship where you make everything feel like it is my fault and I can move on. I'm done.” Ally said feeling brave as she put her arm around Lucas and tugged him further down the street whilst David stood there dumbstruck for a moment before he grabbed her arm.

“You will never be rid of me bitch. I will be there every breath you take just like the Vrav. They will kill you just like I will.” He said pulling her away from the date making her yelp.

The communication officer woke up as the door chimed and an urgent knock happened as well. She sat up blinking hard as she shook her head. "Come in." She called wincing at the nightmare's creating tension in her body.

Mattias stood in the space where the door had been a moment earlier, dressed in an undershirt, red tartan flannel pajamas, and house shoes. Judging by the disheveled state of his hair, it was clear that he had been asleep until very recently, but the concerned look spread across his features suggested the level of urgency with which he had come to stand in Lexi's doorway. His eyes darted around the room, almost as if he was looking for a ghost in a closet or an intruder of some kind.

"Hey Lexi," Constantine walked over, retrieving his communicator from his pants pocket, "I think you managed to butt dial me, but when I picked up it sounded like you were in trouble so I ran over. What's going on?"

Lexi smiled at the familiar silhouette in her doorway as she sat up trying to get herself to relax now that she was 100% sure she was on the Atlantis. It soon twisted and turned to a frown when she noticed her shelf and all the items that had been on it were in bed with her including her open communicator.

“I… I must have….” She whispered blinking as the door whooshed close leaving them in semi-darkness. “I must have knocked my shelf down thrashing around. I am sorry.” The woman admitted feeling embarrassed.

Amidst the chaos, Constantine simply walked over, sat down beside her on the bed, and pulled her to him in a tight embrace. In the dim lighting, he glanced around and saw the contents of her shelf decorating the bed, along with one of the photos of the two of them that had previously been adorning the wall. Matt kissed the top of her head and laid his cheek on her hair, already resolved to hold her as long as it took to calm things down.

"There's nothing to apologize for, Lexi. I just wanted to make sure you're alright is all. Do you want to talk about it?"

Lexi has started to try and organise the chaos when the silent man appeared next to her and just pulled her to him without a word. She settled against his chest feeling his heart beating under her cheek. Everything in her wanted to push him away and tell him to go get some sleep but the little part of her that was scared and traumatised wrapped her arms around him back. She wanted this, wanted the lack of pressure and easy going nature of their relationship. “I still get to say sorry.” She murmured it was a default action that she knew he did not need. “It was a dream... well a memory.” She explained.

"Sometimes our dreams are so closely intertwined with our memories that it's hard to tell them apart," Matt murmured as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Tell me about your dream. Take your time, I'm here to listen for as long as you need. You can tell me everything if you want, spare no detail. I signed up for all of it, the good and the bad."

"It was for a moment especially when the person involved shifted to a Vrav." Lexi admitted shaking her head as she tried to make a bit of sense of it all herself to explain to him. "You know how I said I had no idea really how relationships work?" She waited until she got a murmured of acknowledgement. "Well, that is because my first and only relationship was controlling and I joined Starfleet to escape him and he still followed me to San Fransico." It was a lot more complicated but that was the basics of it.

With no quick witticism or turn of phrase on hand for such a situation, Matt simply gave one last squeeze before relinquishing his hold and giving her some space to breathe and him some space to think. "You know," he began after a moment, "sometimes life teaches us lessons by giving us examples to follow, but in some cases - and often the more difficult ones - life lessons are taught by negative reinforcement, by getting burned or hurt by someone or something. It gives us the contrast so that when something good comes along, you know it when you see it."

Lexi let him pull away and allow herself to sit back against the wall and watch him in the darkness. It was enough to get it off her chest at least some of it all, she had never thought she would talk about it freely because to talk about it was only opening a scabbed wound, a wound she felt that would never heal until recently. “I do see it. I saw it within moments of meeting you. This is not exactly how I had planned to mention any of this. What a mess.” She whispered sweeping her hair out of her face trying to distract herself just a little bit to try and keep her wits about her.

"Hot mess express," Matt teased lightly before taking the opportunity to lay down on the bed with his head propped up in her lap. "On a serious note, I'm glad that you're willing to talk about things with me - it means we're doing something right. It's a big change from my last relationship too, which is a relief."

She closed her eyes a little against her beating heart as she lay down and she could feel his weight on her like a safety blanket. She wanted to tease him about the fact he was actually wearing pyjamas instead of just sleeping in his uniform or comment that he will have to do a walk of shame but could not bring herself to do it. “Wanna talk about it? Take your time, I'm here to listen for as long as you need. You can tell me everything if you want, spare no detail. I signed up for all of it, the good and the bad.” She repeated his words back to him in her airy accent. She smiled down at him as her fingers started to run through his hair.

"Well, her name was Elizabeth, but to me she was my Ellie. I was too blinded at the time to see what my friends and my sister were telling me, but they ended up being right about her. I thought she was my everything, but she ended up manipulating those feelings and used them to take advantage of me. Towards the end, it's like I couldn't buy a second of her time. It broke my little twenty-one year old heart, I tell you," Matt smirked at his own youthful ignorance. "It hurt so bad, but it taught me to appreciate people and their time. Watch how people spend their time, Lexi. It says more about them than just about anything else."

"I am sorry that happened. Not all women are like that." She liked teasing him, she liked being able to match him and most of all to not be nervous around a man after everything that had happened with David. It scarred her deep but had never left her as broken as she had felt on the floor of Deck D. Which meant in her mind that she could heal from it all. "We are two broken pieces."

"Yes, but the beauty in life comes out of the imperfections," he returned with a smile. "I'm very happy that my imperfect life brought me to you though. I don't know much about the future anymore, but I do know this is a good thing."

“I do not think I have met a man who sees beauty in broken things so well.” She commented on still stroking his hair. It was soft under her fingers and his weigh was comfortable despite his bigger size. “There is an old country song that is called bless the broken road. I used to listen to it all the time but it makes sense suddenly. I do not think anyone knows what the future is going to be Matt. We might be out here with the seventy of us for the rest of our lives or we might get home and live out our lives there. I do not overly think it matters anymore, it is together. I know I do not have family waiting for me so it is not the view of everyone but I cannot think of any other bunch of people despite the few odd people that I would rather be stuck with." She shrugged before wincing as she remembered her shoulder.

Though he had closed his eyes, Matt snapped his attention back to the present as he felt the flinch from her shoulder pain radiated throughout her body. After he realizing he hadn't caused the involuntary response, he relaxed again and peered up at her with a sympathetic look. Taking a deep breath, he felt his guard lowering again, leaving him in a vulnerable place like he had been on so many other occasions with her. The feeling was good.

"Well, one thing I know - I love you, Lexi O'Connery."

Lexi glanced down as she heard his words and smiled sweetly. They had gone from something sweet and confusing to something more than Lexi had ever imagined possible after everything she had been through with David. It was making her think about herself and how vulnerable she was around him and how it did not leave her scared or trying to escape. He had surrounded her in something positive and snuck in around her defences.

“I really do not know how you snuck in around my defences but I do not want to lose you because I want to say it back but the words keep getting stuck. I want to say is so desperately when I was on the floor and you grabbed me up and kept me as alive.” She moved her fingers to caress down his cheek.

"I helped, but I was just a part of the team. Lieutenant Leyton came up with the idea for the stretcher, and Dr. zh'Kenarh worked hard to save your life. Not to mention this engineering crewman that saved all of us by shooting another one of the intruders. I think his name was TImothy? Anyways, we're all very glad you made it, but none greater than me," Constantine nestled himself closer to her, resting in a pensive moment. "And I used those words because I meant them and was ready to say them. You say them if and when you are ready."

"Oh I will thank them eventually but you found me and kept talking to me. I get to thank you now as you are here." The woman explained stopping her caressing as she listened to why he had said the words to her. "I will one day that I can promise you." She could not promise much but that was something major to the woman who had been hurt and neglected her whole life.

"Well, in that case, you are welcome. I know you'd do the same for me or any of us, it's in your nature. I'm convinced that's how they selected us out of the pile of overqualified applicants," Matt postured, getting more and more comfortable by the second. "Out of all of extremely talented people they had at their disposal, they figured out the ones that were selfless and willing to sacrifice for the greater good. That's the common thread I see through all of us. We all want to leave things better than how they are."

"Shame the Vrav do not see it that way." The woman mused feeling just how comfortable he was getting. "I feel like you are going to have to do a walk of shame in the morning if you get any more comfortable Matt." She mused grinning just a little at him as she moved out from under him awkwardly to lie next to him. It was not graceful as she was very aware of stitches but seeing the man had seen her in every state possible over the last seven months she was pretty sure he did not actually care.

"So that implies that you aren't kicking me out then?" He grinned in the darkness. "Does that mean I can stay?"

"Well, you did come all the way down here. Would be mean to kick you out especially when things are a lot nicer when you are around but depends on how we are... well how much of a secret this all is." The woman answered back leaning over him to rescue a few more stray things that had fallen in her attempt to evade David and the Vrav.

"Duncan and Finn already know. But you know who doesn't?"

Lexi stopped mid retrieving the photo that was nestled nicely between the bed and wall and looked at him. "Who?" She wondered trying to work out who would be important enough to know but not likely to get them into trouble. No one came to mind.

"Lieutenant Darru, that's who." Constantine recalled the interesting conversation between himself and the Vulcan science officer. "He found me while I was eating breakfast one morning to inform me that some of us are 'qualified' to be become parents based on our genetics. I didn't know whether or not to be flattered or disgusted, even though I know he wasn't trying to provoke emotion. We're both on the list - he said he told you while you were awake in sickbay. I don't know how much of that you remember."

"Parents? Genetics?" Lexi lay back down as something sparked in her memory of speaking to the Vulcan recently before she frowned. Was that what he was going on about when she had been half asleep. "Oh, dear." She muttered biting her lip hard. "I think I miss translated a word or two when I was high on sedatives. I and Darru often talk and exchange conversation. He really is quite sweet for a Vulcan. He was there once when you were on duty."

"You're a better judge of character than I am, so I'll take your word for it. For what it's worth, I took myself off the list. I don't think he's going to make much headway, but bless him, I suppose he's thinking about how to make things better in his own, Vulcan-y way. It's just... creepy, I don't know." Mattias repositioned himself so that he was lying flat on his back, willingly accepting his duty as watchman for any future nightmares or boogeymen in the closet.

Lexi lay where she was for a long time in the dark before she slowly lowered herself and lay her head against shoulder. She was thoughtful for a long time as she tried to think through what was said between her and Darru. “It is worth a lot to me.” Lexi finally said aloud. She would need to find the man in the morning and discuss what she had signed herself up to whilst in sickbay.

"What is? Having kids?"

“No Matt that you took your name off the list.” She answered thinking back to their conversation about the future and in five years time. Kids were always a factor in her head but was that the right conversation for now?

"Oh right, duh," Matt rolled his eyes behind the curtain of closed eyelids, leaning forward so that he ended up nuzzling her hair in the darkness. "We can have that conversation some other time, but if it wasn't obvious to you already, Lexi O'Connery, you've had me wrapped around your finger since the beginning. I'm quite happy to be off the market, so to speak, but I'm especially happy to be out of whatever experiment is brewing. Do you think we should warn the others?"

"It is a talk for another time when we are not being stalked." Lexi snuggled back against him feeling him nuzzle her hair in the darkened room and smiled. "It is obvious tonight." She confirmed to him before giggling. "No, I think we should sit back and watch the fun. I still have to remember who my match is." She remembered that she did not know that and that was important as the man could think she was eager to get to know him.

A long, slow yawn woke from its slumber, escaping into the darkness as Constantine stretched by tensing his muscles in lieu of moving and disrupting the comfortable mold he had formed himself into. He unsuccessfully attempted to contain a wry smile, knowing that Lexi still had to endure the incredibly awkward conversation that he had struggled through with Ensign Blair in the wake of Darru's experiment. "Well, whenever you figure out who it is, be a doll and let me know so I can tease you about it incessantly."

Lexi shook her head. "No way Jose." She assured him into the darkness. There was no way she was going to share that knowledge and allow him to tease her forever. It was just not going to happen, he would have to work for that knowledge. "Go to sleep." She prompted knowing only one of them had to work tomorrow.

As was typical for Mattias, he took very little convincing before his breathing settled into a natural rhythm. But, with one last-ditch effort against the welcoming embrace of unconsciousness, he leaned in for a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Good night, my love."

Lexi said nothing into the darkness as she knew he would just continue to fight and not be any use tomorrow but she found herself smiling at the words he used. She had never been someone's love before, sure an obsession but never something as simple as my love. It was comforting and typically him.