Your Thoughts to Mine
Posted on Tue Mar 1st, 2022 @ 5:33pm by Lieutenant Darru & Ensign Michael Sloan
Mission:
Mission 5 - Babel
Location: Quarters
Timeline: Day 269 20:00
4985 words - 10 OF Standard Post Measure
Having suffered one too many nights of interrupted and nightmarish sleep, Michael stood outside Darru's door. Normally, this would be something to take to a doctor or counsellor, but this was a unique situation and Michael sought the help of some ancient Vulcan techniques. Gathering his thoughts, the tired man pressed the door chime on the Vulcan Darru's quarters.
Darru raised an eyebrow at the interruption to his evening. He was not expecting any visitors and he found himself intrigued as he opened the door to see Ensign Michael Sloan there of all people. “Good Evening Ensign. Can I help you?” He wondered looking up and down the corridor to see if he had someone else with him.
Taken aback a bit at the lack of formality, it struck Michael that his sudden appearance must have been a shock. "The last time you saw me," Michael began, "I acted in a way that I deeply regret." His face dropped a bit as he remembered how he had yelled at the Vulcan. His mind was scrambled between two very confused personalities when he had lashed out verbally. "I want to ask for your forgiveness."
Darru looked up and down the corridor again before indicating for the man to come into his quarters. “You were unwell Ensign. I have not help it against you. I have not approached you merely to give you space to adjust to the changes in your psyche.” Darru could remember the conversation like it was yesterday that had happened before Sovar had rendered the man unconscious. "Surak was to be the undoing of our people. For too long you have shunned emotion and what it means to be truly alive. You mocked us as those who marched under the raptor's wings, but look at you now. You keep these Humans as your pets and were held back by the Andorians for too long.’" it had been full of hate and truth.
Once inside the quarters, Michael listened as Darru quoted his exact words. Deciding on absolute truth, Michael took a breath to steady himself. He began a bit slowly, "As you may have heard, I am not completely Human. I was an engineer for a people that Humans have never seen and who Romulans have not encountered in almost all of recorded history." Pausing a moment, Michael's eyes fell upon one of Darru's keepsake's from Vulcan. Looking back to the Vulcan, Michael's eyes fell upon Darru's ears as his hands gently rubbed his Human shaped ears. He then gained the strength to say, "I was born a Romulan. That name may seem like an aggressive species that you are just beginning to contact. But, we were once Vulcans. During the time of Surek, my ancestors were known as those who march beneath the Raptor's wings. We were purged from Vulcan in a nuclear war as your ancestors embraced logic and forsook emotion."
"So certainly not when I suggested who your genetic match was then?” He questioned not having forgotten that quest for genetic perfection for future generations. It was a light comment to ease the tension that the man had brought into his quarters. Humans liked light comments and even if the man was not quite human he had something human in him. "I know of your species... Do you have a name you prefer?" Darru asked picking up the item the man had been looking at holding it out to him.
"My name is Michael Sloan regardless of whatever my previous self, or selves, was called," the person replied, certain of at least one thing. He did pause for a moment as a part of him considered the impact of Darru's words. Romulans took great care to keep themselves hidden in their interactions with other species. If a fairly low level Vulcan stuck as a lab assistant on a Human vessel knew of the species, then perhaps a leak existed somewhere in the Empire. Shaking it off as it was not a concern of his, Michael decided to get to the point of the visit. Nodding toward Darru, Sloan began with a question, "I have heard that Vulcans can perform some kind of linking of the minds. A way to heal mental impairments or repressed memories. Is that a skill that you can perform?"
Darru narrowed his eyes just a little as the man did not take the item and revealed exactly why he was there. Normally, it was employed only by Vulcans on the fringes of society. It was a deeply personal thing, part of the private life, and generally not used on aliens, especially not discussed with them but in Surek's time, it was common. "Michael...It is not something that is discussed. Most people believe it to be an ability only a minority of Vulcans were born to do but I know different." Leroux was one of the few people who knew he was a geneticist and nowhere near a low-level Vulcan that he claimed and acted to be. It was something that he was working on revealing but humans needed time to adjust to change. "I am able to perform." He was confident that he was able to perform it and successfully.
Nodding his head a bit, Michael asked, “Would you be willing to perform it on me?” Feeling the need to explain the reasons why he was asking, the man listed, “I can’t sleep. I dream about places and people that seem like distant movies. I have to think about who and where I am on occasion, sometimes I get lost and think I’m someone else. I think I am seeking a way to merge these two personalities into one.”
"Are you very sure that is what you want? You will be a completely different person? Neither of your personas will be in control that is true but you will not be this person anymore." Darru said gently wanting the man to have all the options. "You might not like the things you currently like or people you like. Your accent might change. Job skills.”
“I understand,” Michael replied as someone who had carefully considered the outcome. “I don’t want to worry continually that the programming will trigger that makes me the other guy, and I think his engineering skills and Michael’s experience will be better than a Manchurian Candidate,” he added, unsure if the Vulcan would catch the old Human reference.
The Vulcan did not known the reference but raised an eyebrow in confusion. “The options for this to change you are numerous. It would not be that simple Michael. Has this been discussed with anyone other than me?" Someone with more emotion involved would be more liable to over react but they did speak the truth.
"Yes," Michael sighed, evidence of the heartfelt talk. "The Captain has agreed that an altered Chief Engineer is better than one who withers away and dies." Rubbing his forehead a bit, Michael's eyes could be seen for the exhaustion they held. "I can't sleep. I haven't been eating as well. I get flashbacks to.. to everything. I can see the Human's life. I can see the Romulan's life. I experience what the Vrav did to me. And I remember receiving mission details as I was surgically altered to look like a Human."
Darru wished he could have offered the words the man needed to hear, the comfort he needed but he suspected that the man came to him due to the cool rational that he would provide. “Sounds like your version of torture.” Darru surmised. “I will help you Michael. That was never in doubt so I am relieved that Leroux is aware that this is happening so they know that the Chief Engineer will be changing and can manage the after effects.” Darru did not want to keep the chain of command out of it all. They needed to be aware to managed what happened after.
"And don't hesitate to incapacitate me or call security if the process goes wrong," Michael requested, "I don't want to cause any harm to the ship or its crew." As his eyes turned back to Darru, the man could see the resemblance between their species clearly. Darru could easily walk on the surface of Romulus without alarm, unless he chose to speak. "How should we begin?" Michael asked.
If Darru could have smirked he would have at the notion that he was not already thinking of a least ten ways to incapacitate the man if this turned sour. "I am fully prepared to take you out Michael if the need arises but I believe that it will not." Darru moved to look at his quarters and started to the small table he used for meditation out of the way to allow them both to sit on the floor. "Sit." Darru instructed as he moved to turn the lights down.
Nodding quietly, Michael knew that the time for jokes and small talk, ever there ever was a time with Vulcans, was over. He quietly followed Darru to the small table. As he walked, his mind began to drift to each set of memories he held in his mind. One was the young Human who wanted to make a name for himself as a MACO. Another was the Romulan from a Senate family, the engineer who wanted to propel his people forward. And finally the man who emerged from both of them, who joined Starfleet and fought for Earth but was also a sleeper agent. All the realities seemed so shattered and distant, yet part of him nonetheless. Following the instructions, Michael sat on the indicated spot on the floor.
Darru grabbed a bottle of water and took a deep gulp before he sat opposite the man and started at him for a long moment. “I am honoured Michael that you chose me for this.” The man said before raising his hand to the man. He placed fingers at key locations on his head. "My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts," Darru said gently, a rhythmic verbal device like the one he had said was always helpful to him.
At first, Michael felt nothing but a gentle relaxation. After a few moments, it felt like the floor had fallen from below them as the two were rushed to a city on a planet much different than Earth or Vulcan. The sudden nature of the transition left Michael confused momentarily. After another moment had passed, he realized that he was walking with Darru down an open air park that led to beautifully sculpted marble stairs that led up to a large cylindrical domed building, highlighted with ornate columns. After a few more steps, they reached a large wooden door with an armed guard. His uniform seemed to be made of reflective squares of silver or purple over black. The guard had Vulcan ears, but also possessed a pronounced ridgeline over the eyebrows which indicated Romulan. "Jolan tru, Centurion Alidar." Without thinking, Michael replied, "Jolan tru, is the committee ready to see me?"
With a nod, the guard stepped aside and the large wooden door seemed to open without assistance. Inside the door was a decorated chamber. The lighting made it seem as though the room was lit with candle light with sun beams shining through the stained glass ceiling. The floor was decorated with a map of the Romulan empire. Hanging from the columns was a large bird of prey statue. Thinking out loud, Michael stated, "The Romulan Senate Chambers."
Darru knew he was unseen by everyone but he did not want to say anything to break the moment of memory, it was a moment of success for him and for Michael's determination to see through this process. He looked at the man seeing him really for the first time, the Romulan features of him seemed so similar but so different from the man he had known for nearly the last year. Darru stood silently as they stepped inside the huge chamber. It was magnificent, he wanted to drink all of it in, not to report back to Vulcan or even to the Captain but to fully know the species and to know the man. "Lead Michael. I am walking every step with you." He promised.
"This is the Senate Chamber on Romulus, the seat of government and meeting place for all things secret," Michael explained to Darru. Casually looking around the darkened chamber, he knew that the pair was alone for the moment. "This is the day that I got my assignment to infiltrate the Federation," he confessed. If one were to take the Human and the Romulan and place them side by side, there would be differences. They were different species, but the two of them looked enough alike that the surgery he would later undergo only had to shaved down the ears, brow ridges, and change his internal organ structure to look Human. His eye color, general features, hair, and measurements were almost identical to the Human he would become.
”They would have done better to make you Vulcan. The effort to make you human was remarkable even down to a DNA filter.” Darru said looking at the man carefully. He wanted to be able to remember the Romulan version of him.
As they neared the center of the chamber, standing on the map of the Star Empire, the sound of another door could be heard opening on the other side of the senate chambers.
Lolaula was not sure this was the man for the job. How would he do this where so many others had failed? She walked into the senate like she had so many times before. She walked in like she owned the place as someone who worked for ruthless and efficient organisation should.
Giving the Romulan salute, the Michael of the time was surprised to see an agent of the Tal Shiar greeting him. "I did not know that I had gained the attention of the Tal Shiar. Centurian Jarruk asked me to join him here," Michael stated, not betraying any emotion on his face. It was a very Vulcan trait born not of the Vulcan shunning of emotion, but the Romulan sense of secrecy for survival.
“Alidar i-ch'Rihan tr'Seroht.” The woman said simply looking at him up and down. “You did not attract my attention but you have someone.” She commented returning the salute.
That line could mean a wide variety of things, and only some of them meant that he would walk out of this encounter a free man. “How can I assist the Empire?” He asked, replying with a question that may tell him exactly what condition he would be leaving the meeting.
"You understand Humans and Vulcans better than most Tal Shiar it seems better than people twice your age thanks to the work you have been doing on encryptions," Lolaula commented wondering how an Engineer could really. "It is time for a more practical lesson for you." She mused.
Coming from a house that had claimed an important frontier sector, Alidar's family had more contact with non-Romulans than most. He was an engineer by trade, but most assignments had tasked him with tearing down and reverse engineering salvaged technology from those outside the empire. Since the encounter with the Enterprise, much of his work had drifted towards Human technology. "Anything for the Empire," he replied, wondering what the Tal Shiar could possibly want from him. "I've broken down and studied more Hevam tech, it is crude but effective. Do you have something that I should investigate?"
"Them as a whole. We want you to travel to Earth and live among them. Learn what you can. War is coming and we want to be on the right side of the battle with the resources of how to be better than them." She explained wishing that he had been given an idea before now of what was to be expected from him.
“But we already have spies in the Vulcan delegation stationed on Earth,” Alidar pointed out. “The Humans already have a healthy degree of apprehension in allowing Vulcans in their tech labs, what could I do that they aren’t doing already?” he asked, a bit confused.
“You would not be a Vulcan. You would be one of them. We have the ability to turn you human.” Lolaula said frustrated that he was not understanding. He was meant to be smart.
“I see, join the Humans in their trek among the stars,” Alidar replied, getting at what was being asked. “Anything for the Empire, he replied knowing that he was well past the point of saying no now.
Sahara Desert, African Union, United Earth
Nights in the desert were shockingly different than the days. The moon seemed to light up the simulated battlefield as though it were a night time sporting event. The cold was only matched by the lack of emotion displayed by the Vulcan VIP who had taken the rare opportunity to observe the MACO recruits as they partook in the final round of survival training.
The United Earth MACOs often held training on extreme environments to acclimate their soldiers to fighting in a wide variety of alien conditions. In fact, in a few short months this very group would be taken by shuttle for one of the most ambitious mock battles in some time. The recruits were divided into teams. Michael had been selected as Red captain in this game of Capture the Flag.
Dressed in full tactical gear and looking much more like the Michael Sloan that everyone saw when looking at the man. But, there was a small difference. His hair had been freshly buzzed to mark his career choice. From the last flashback, Michael learned that he is time talking to Darru seemed to happen outside of time while he participated with the holograms. “This was the training exercise before the squad left for that doomed shuttle. Where the Human Sloan was captured by the Empire,” he explained to Darru.
"Is he still there? Human Sloan?" Darru wondered thinking that they would never be able to save him but it could be noted somewhere. Darru looked around, he had always liked the deserts of Earth. They always reminded him of Vulcan and the world he had grown up with.
As Michael's Blue Squad split from the Red to the starting position at their own base, the man took time to talk to Darru. "This was a time when Michael was fully Human, he was on a path to join the MACOs. To follow his parent's path in the United Earth military. They had played a part in integrating the African Union military with the rest of the world as the planet united. He... I felt like I was honoring their accomplishments while doing my part to keep Earth safe." Pointing back to the constructed command platform, Gunnery Sergeant Williams was joined by Sub-Commander T'Kol as the Vulcan observer for this training exercise. Michael then explained, "Before the Enterprise set out, Vulcans were more involved in the affairs of Earth. Michael, the fully Human version, understood their caution. You cannot give a child a phaser and expect things to end well, and we were still embracing this new future. Many of my comrades saw it as an intrusion, as if we were a puppet state in some respects."
As if on cue, Private Jensen came up behind Michael and threw his arm over Michael's shoulder. "Hell Sloan, those knife-eared hobgoblins will know all our secrets in no time. Why do we have to show off for the overlord?" the soldier exclaimed in a less than diplomatic tone.
"Hey shut up, want the reds to hear us?" Sloan fired back, wanting to make a good impression of the Gunnery Sergeant with a win.
Darru's face twitched as he watched the Private. He knew that lots of humans had that opinion. "I prefer elf." Was all he said without a hint of humour, he really did prefer that.
Taking the hint, the squad got into position. The plan was to divide into thirds. The first portion, led by Michael, were to attack the red team's base in order to steal their flag. The second portion were meant to scatter around the blue half of the battleground, harass the enemy, and fall back to defend the base. The last portion of the squad was meant to dedicate themselves to a no retreat, no surrender close defense of the blue flag. Everyone was outfitted in the regular kit of the MACOs. It consisted of the MACO combat uniform, which in desert camouflaged pattern. Each soldier came equipped with training versions of the particle rifle, phase pistol, stun baton, and two stun grenades. All in all, this was a 12 vs 12 skirmish.
As soon as the air raid siren signaled a start to the mock battle, Sloan started moving forward along the left side of the arena. While normally an open desert, this battlefield had been turned into an alien desert village with an oasis in the middle. The respective bases were on the east and west edges of the makeshift arena that was the size of a European football pitch. "I'm really not sure why they wanted us to play capture the flag. Maybe it was to show the Vulcans our combat skills in a situation that wasn't very realistic. We'd save face by not showing real combat, but they, your people, could still claim to have observed training."
"We are not all like my people," Darru commented. He hoped that by now and the fact the man had come to him that he knew that but it never hurt to remind someone of that fact. "So this is the event that allowed the Romulans to take human Sloan? How did no one else notice the change?" He wondered quietly thinking that the Sloan now had all of that. Someone would notice now. Did human Sloan not have friends or family? No lover or someone close to notice the changes or did they just all put it down to the accident?
“No,” Michael replied shaking his head. Explaining the mission parameters of his last assignment as a Human, he added, “The Human Sloan was the loan survivor, if you can call a body being kept alive by Romulan life support surviving. His team was on a secret training mission to the frozen moon of Europa. The shuttle crashed on the planet and he was picked up by a spy ship.” Motioning around to indicate the arena, Michael stated, “This was where the Human first doubted his choice to join the MACOs, where he first thought about a career in Starfleet.”
Darru nodded connecting the stray thoughts from the man. “I see. You never answered the question though about how did no one not notice? Did he have no one?” Darru for all his lack of tact and the use of logic had people back on Vulcan and Earth. People wild notice the chance in him.
"He did," Sloan replied. "His mother and are part of the United Earth military. With him joining Starfleet and going into the unknown, they only spoke over subspace. With all of his memories, appearance, and even to the point of me believing that I was totally that Human, they never knew." Explaining what had happened a bit more, Michael said, "The Empire had the plan since first contact with the Enterprise, they just needed the specimen. The process took a couple of days, and I was left in a comma-like state in the shuttle to appear as though I had never left."
“So human Sloan is alive?” Darru questioned softly as the scene shifted to seeing human Sloan being help alive by the Romulan life support system after the accident.
Shaking his head slightly in the negative, "No. He was kept alive long enough for genetic sequencing and memory extraction." It was a grim process that Michael never wanted to learn the full details. He had worked on projects with the Tal Shiar, but he was never part of them so was not privy to state secrets. A bit sad, he added, "To the same token, the Romulan Alidar is gone forever. My old body was genetically manipulated to appear Human on scans and my mind was altered to be the Human completely, until some kind of trigger. The Vrav some how crossed the wires of my mind so all memories and both personalities came to the front."
Darru nodded. That was for the best. There did not need to be two Michael Sloan’s in the universe. “So we need to merge them properly,” Darru said giving the man one more chance to back out if he did. Darru could cut the connection and never speak of it again.
“I’m a danger to myself and all of you as long as my mind is disjointed,” Micheal stated. Going further, he added, “One day the Marine may take over in an intense Engineering emergency, or I may fully trigger and try to take over the ship.” Never having been more sure of anything, the man looked at Darru in his eyes and firmly said, “No doubts in my mind, I want to see this through.”
"Not to Michael. You attempted before and were subdued but to others perhaps." Darru pointed out but he knew this was very much needed for the man to move forward and to establish himself. "This is your mind so lead me where you need. I will walk alongside you till be find a resolution." Darru promised with a nod.
"I don't know how to start," Michael replied. Looking back to Darru, the person in MACO clothing continued, "Do we just flip a mental switch and I accept who I am, or how does this work?"
Darru did not have the needed answers but he did know that this was the man's mind and he could only follow where he was led. "Maybe you need to see yourself side by side?" He offered as a suggestion. He had performed mind melds before but never, for this reason, it was far more complicated. "Or the moment you became Michael Sloan instead of Centurion Alidar."
It was at that moment that Michael was taken to a place that he had tried so hard to forget. Deep in the Vrav fortification on the algae world was a small medical unit. A reptilian doctor stood above someone on a medical bed. The strange hissing and animal noises seemed to convey a soothing feeling in a situation that was anything but soothing.
“No! Don’t touch me with that,” came a shriek as the person on the table put up as valiant of a fight as someone who was strapped down could. After a few moments, the Vrav instrument touched the patient’s forehead. Suddenly, images began overtaking the scene almost violently. There were scenes of growing up on military bases in Africa. Scenes from the capital of the Romulan Empire passed by. MACO excerices, graduation ceremonies, and life on Earth became superimposed on top of vivid memories of the Engineering of the Romulan Bird of Prey that Alidar had served and of the life lived on another world. As the scenes grew faster and faster, the world suddenly became white and silent.
The life of a new Starfleet officer began playing in front of the pair. The Xindi attacks in Earth came to the fore. Then Captain Morgan leading the charge. The selection process of Atlantis crew, picking William as the Assistant Chief Armory Officer. It all stopped in the Brig on the Atlantis. Both Darru and Michael sitting in separate cells with the doors wide open. No other soul seemed to be around, only the quiet tranquility of the brig. Looking at the open door, Michael looked toward Darru. “Do I just walk out?” He asked, a confused understanding of the situation before them began emerging in Michael’s mind.
“I believe so.” the Vulcan said softly trying to not think on the images he had shared. He could understand why the man was so confused and why he had needed his help of all people onboard. “But only you can can decide if you are ready for it.” Darru was patient. He had been given a great honour in helping the confused man and wanted to let him have all the time he needed.
Only half listening to the Vulcan’s words, Sloan eased himself up and stepped to the edge of the threshold of the open cell door. Taking in a breath, the man took a step forward into blinding light. As the light faded, the two found themselves back in Darru’s quarters, just as they had left it.
Michael slowly opened his eyes and took a moment to get his bearings. He was quiet for a long moment, taking inventory of who he was. “I feel,” Michael started before pausing to consider his thoughts and feelings. Looking at Darru, the being spoke as though the weight of the world had been lifted, “I feel peace.” It might have been the two sides finally making peace, but Michael’s eyes grew a little moist as he said, “Thank you.”
Darru nodded simply. He was exhausted but he could feel some satisfaction in what had been achieved for the man and crew of the ship. There would be no chance of the man turning on them now, no chance that the Romulan would attempt to take over the ship as he had threatened so many times before. There was nothing to turn as it was all out in the open. Everything was right with the the man again.
