No Chance for Goodbye

Posted on Tue Aug 23rd, 2022 @ 2:05pm by Commander Benjamin Jamesson & Ensign Isaac 'Zac' Hughes & Lieutenant JG Calanthe 'Cal' Diaz

Mission: Mission 6 - Memory
Location: Sickbay
Timeline: Day 301 22:00
3638 words - 7.3 OF Standard Post Measure

Ordinarily, a full Sickbay was cause for concern. When every bed was occupied, and the emergency stretchers had also been deployed, that was usually an indication of some sort of problem that threatened to stretch medical resources to breaking point. It was neither desirable nor practical to wind up with more cases than you could feasibly keep up with, which made the unlikely presence of two Chief Medical Officers rather fortuitous, if anything about the situation could be said to be fortunate. The trajectory of events had already deviated significantly from Isaac's own experience with overwhelming odds, and whilst that was promising news for this crew, there was an element of a thumbed-nose taunting the doctor for being in part responsible for the advantage that had not been afforded to his own people. The last time he'd seen this many people in his Sickbay, most of them hadn't made it.

Watching them get up and walk out was disarming, at best.

Still, he couldn't begrudge Avira the assistance in assessing and discharging her crew, and though he wouldn't have described the experience as cathartic necessarily, there was a tiny sliver of him that was thankful for an opportunity to make amends. It wasn't enough and never would be in the doctor's eyes but at least these people didn't have to carry a similar burden.

He'd been stopped by this bed for the past few minutes though.

It wasn't that she was different in any remarkable way, except that it had not been Sickbay where he'd last seen her so still and peaceful. Looking back, it had seemed likely that her placement had been a cruel and intentional plant, a trophy and a warning rolled together. It would be a long time before he'd forget the fury of pure agony in his Commanding Officer's voice and, had it not been for the patients they were in the process of trying to extract, Isaac himself might have succumbed to the urge to hunt down the twisted bastard who had seen fit to dangle her lifeless corpse like a puppet on a string. They'd lost a piece of Ben then. Isaac had realised that a lot of the other man's flippant acceptance of their absurd situation stemmed from the fact that Ben no longer cared where he was. It was hard to blame him.

Slowly, he lifted her hand by the wrist and checked her vitals. Mercifully, they existed.

Ben was exhausted have everything that had happened. He had been in sickbay helping since Gerhard had been found and had not left really in that time other than to grab a quick snack which had been well needed to refresh his mind. He had not wanted to return to sickbay but he needed to know. He needed to know if he had failed in working out all the signs again. He had thought them safe but it happened again, Smith or whatever he called himself in this universe had escaped was a small blessing on his mental health to stop him from doing some damage that would only add to it but the thought that he would go back to sickbay and find her dead again left him stood in the doorway despite people coming and going just watching.

It took Hughes a moment to realise that his Commanding Officer was hovering, though it was for the man's benefit that his examination of this final patient was thorough to the point of being obsessive. Adding the fresh observations to her chart, Isaac glanced up when his instincts finally alerted him to the sensation of being watched and he stopped mid-sentence to take in the posture of his friend. It didn't take a genius to know why Ben was there.

"Hey," he greeted softly, eyes connecting with the other man's for just long enough to sense his radiated pain. Rather than intrude on it, Isaac lowered his gaze to finish his report and then centred his scrutiny on the woman in the bed. Though the outcome was far more positive this time around, it was still odd to see her so quiet. "She's okay," he murmured, cutting to the chase. "Her brain activity was erratic when she arrived so Avira gave her a mild sedative to keep her asleep, give her some time to heal." Just like he'd given Manishie. Looking back to the stoic monolith of an engineer, Zac didn't even try to interpret Ben's expression as he added, "She should wake up soon."

The big man said nothing for a long moment before he finally looked from Calanthe to Isaac and nodded. “Good. I am glad.” He said quietly finally stepping from the doorway coming into the busy sickbay. It was a strange sensation to see the sickbay so busy and active after the last time he had seen it full of bloody and just dead sensation. “Can I be there when she wakes up?” He asked hopefully.

There was a brief pause as Isaac lifted his gaze to study the other man, a quickly evaluative glance that had his Commanding Officer's best interest at heart despite the fact that the doctor respected it was likely not the time nor place to discuss the underlying issues. Finishing up his assessment, Isaac lingered a moment longer to simply regard the sleeping brunette's features and then turned with a nod towards Ben.

"Sure, if you don't mind waiting with her for a bit. Just remember, like the rest of us, she's likely to be a little disoriented at first. Time will tell if she's affected by the short-term memory loss at all."

"I know the symptoms and after effects," Benjamin said firmly trying to keep his emotions in check and not wither cry or punch something. He was all too well aware of the signs and after-effects of the being's messing with minds. They had been lucky this time but he had escaped so there was still a chance that he could come back at some point in the future. "I will just sit there awhile before I go to sleep myself." He assured.

Isaac nodded again, glancing back at the bed, before moving to take his leave. "If there's any issues, just shout." He hesitated as if about to say something more and then, instead, simply offered the much larger man a single pat on the shoulder before moving to one of the other beds.

The engineer set his bulk down in the chair and ignored Hughes attempts at offering some type on comfort to his troubled mind. She was alive was all that kept floating through his mind, he had done good, the crew had done good. Everyone just needed rest to recover, she just needed rest and she would wake up.

It took someone who knew her well enough on an intimate level to understand how deeply Calanthe could sleep once she finally succumbed. Getting her to slow down was half the challenge, but when the time finally came for her to relax and recharge, she could sleep through practically anything. Stretched out on a sickbay bed wasn't her preference; she typically disappeared into the blankets and risked suffocation to curl into a ball burrowed into whatever source of warmth she could find. Sleeping this peacefully was, however, entirely like her, a perfect dichotomy to her effervescence when awake.

Whatever she'd endured this time around had been visibly less savage than last. The only blemish was a slight nick just below her left eye where she'd caught the chair mid-collapse. In every other way, she resembled a woman simply mid-slumber, and the hand Hughes had lifted to check her vitals had already curled to settle under her chin. Every once in a while, her intake of breath would deepen, an elongated sigh the resolved itself in tired exhalation. To someone who had watched her wake up countless times before, she was entirely intact.

The man kept glancing up from staring at the floor when he heard her breathing change but once he saw that nothing had changed he settled back down. He was not nervous she wouldn’t wake up but you could tell his body was ceasing up he was with growing impatient just to confirm what he already knew deep down.

Long eyelashes, a gift from her mother's side, fluttered amidst the crease of Cal's brow to register the slight change in her surroundings. Jamesson had a very distinctive presence and though it was in no way something Calanthe had every found intimidating, it was also fair to say that the man loomed despite his best efforts not to intrude. Deep brown eyes squinted open for a split second, comprehending only an invasion of light and the silhouette of reassuring bulk. She couldn't really see him and wasn't awake enough yet to properly identify him, but somehow, familiarity permeated her mental fog. "Hey."

It was the most beautiful sound the man had heard recently. “Hey.” He finally said back sitting back up from where he had been bent over waiting for her to wake up. “Do you need anything?” He asked eager to help her.

In between long, languid blinks, Calanthe watched him in silence. Whatever confused mess existed behind her eyes didn't translate to her features, which remained placid and sleepy but not overly concerned. Somewhere, very deep down, his presence ignited a flame of intrigue but she didn't question it. Instead, Cal settled for something a little more generic whilst the puzzle pieces she had took their time to reassemble. "What happened?"

The man had to smile as that was the one thing he did not clearly know much about. "Not really sure... Smith or whatever he calls himself here disappeared. Highly suspect he jumped universes." Benjamin said with a shrug. The ship had been practically ripped apart in searching for Smith but nothing had been found, nowhere he could hibernate nor anywhere he could hide. "You and everyone else in the mess hall were found when they broke into the mess hall."

A blank stare from impossibly dark eyes gave the impression that Calanthe had no idea what he was talking about, which was entirely possible but not the best prognosis for a complete recovery. As the seconds ticked over, her brow slowly furrowed and it was clear the linguist was valiantly attempting to piece together some semblance of recollection. Eventually, she pulled the unexpected, though in her case it probably counted more as thoroughly predictable. "That son of a bitch." Slowly, Cal lifted a hand to rub at the dull ache behind her left eye. "Is everyone okay?" That was easily typical of the brunette, who was feisty to a fault but had a heart that sought the welfare of others first.

“The ones here, yes. We lost two people but they’ve simply just disappeared. We are not sure if they existed or not.” The man admitted relaxing inch by inch now that she was awake. Her merely being awake chases away a lot of the demons he had developed the last few weeks of mental anguish. “It’s not clear what really happened other than he escaped.”

Her next question was equally as predictable, though Ben's patient response slowly unravelled the tension that kept Cal's shoulders hunched against the biobed. Not Lexi then. Or anyone else the brunette would profess to miss, which seemed a horrible thing to celebrate but she was too tired to keep the relief from showing on her face. She closed her eyes, absorbed the information and then finally let out a huffed exhalation as a sigh.

"He better hope he's gone," she muttered, "Otherwise my boot will have something to say to his face about this headache."

Benjamin found himself smiling despite all the dark and twisty thoughts he had experienced over the last few hours of just waiting to find out how she was. “That’s my… that’s the girl I remember.” He said and grew sombre again as he realised what he said. It was not his universe, these were not the people he remembered. They might look similar but they were not them.

Given her capacity for curiosity, which was known relatively well by anyone who spent time with Calanthe, it wouldn't have been entirely accurate to say that she'd spent no time wondering about the universe their visitors had come from. There just hadn't been a lot of time to really sink into it, to properly tease out all the implications. She'd ascertained from their chat over hot chocolate that she at least existed in his reality but that also meant, in all probability, that she'd...

...well, died.

And given that it seemed to be the fate of a lot of the crew he'd apparently been in command of, Cal couldn't really justify hammering home the obvious just because she was morbidly fascinated by the prospect. His little slip added intrigue, she wasn't so far gone that her natural instincts for spoken expression had failed to pick up on his correction, but her head was fuzzy and throbbing and trying to piece together sensory information felt like wading through treacle. There wasn't enough to grab hold of, not enough to form an actual line of inquiry, and so she smiled sleepily and settled for, "I did get the feeling he didn't like me much."

“I do not believe he liked anyone much.” Benjamin countered finally as the conversation moved back to a safe conversation and something he could be animated over or at least a bit more engaging. “He used everyone as fuel and substance. I would try not to think about it all if you can. Better to not think on it.” He knew from experience that it would be a long time until he would be able to put it all behind him so he could at least try and stop someone else going down the road he had.

In many ways, that seemed easier said that done. Their Executive Officer was dead, others were missing, and with no guarantee that Smith couldn't just reappear whenever he felt hungry again, this kind of thing was pervasive enough to stick around in the back of people's minds for a long time. Cal didn't typically invite problems though, certainly not speculation that she had no control over. More than that, even in her hazy muddle-headed state, she saw an aspect of self-preservation in Ben's advice. It was a difficult topic for him. Her features softened.

"So, do we get to keep you then?" Her change in direction was punctuated by a soft smile. "Or will you be galivanting off to save another crew from imminent peril?"

“It seems so. I have no where else to really go other than maybe bed or talking with yo… our Captain.” He would get the thoughts right in his head eventually he was sure of it. It just required time and it seemed he would have a lot of it going forward now they were safe. “I do not believe I do gallivanting very well… I am getting on a bit and it feels a bit boring if I keep being the hero.” He commented trying to light the mood.

Fondness kept Cal's expression gentle, though the dull ache in her head tempted her to close her eyes for a moment. It wasn't the same, she chastised herself, as having Ben back. She had stood at his funeral, unnervingly calm and composed whilst she fell to pieces inside because there hadn't seemed a way to share her sense of loss with anyone. What was there to explain? They had been friends but Ben had a lot of friends and there was nothing to distinguish her from any of the others. Nothing tangible. Just a few weeks of more intentionally seeking time together, of private conversations and hot chocolate for two. A spark. She hadn't even told Lexi.

Seeing him again, or someone who resembled him so very closely, brought it all back. The ache of missed opportunities and the questions of what might have been. This wasn't Ben though, not her Ben and it was honestly a bigger struggle than Calanthe had expected to keep that straight in her head. She opened her eyes again.

He sure looked the part.

"It suits you though," she teased with a tired smile. "All you're missing is the spandex suit and cape."

“I would spend more time than needed trying to get into spandex and I am an engineer - we do not do capes. We know exactly what would happen if they got caught in something.” He had his own tired smile. “I appreciate that it suits me. But rather not be that person. I need to find the new me.” He said quietly as Lottie walked past. He had to keep as quiet as possible to avoid being kicked out as he was sure visiting hours were close to being over.

A wall of empathy hit Cal out of no where, exacerbated by recent events and her mind's attempt to recover its wits. Though he was such a rock solid presence, there was something lonely and distant about the engineer. It made sense but it still didn't feel right. Ben had been an integral part of the crew and he'd died well before his time, leaving behind a massive hole. This version didn't have to replace him, as hard as it was to coax the mind away from treating it that way, but he could still find a way to fit in and belong completely on his own merit. He didn't have to isolate himself just because he was worried people would think he was something he wasn't.

And that included her.

"Well, whatever you decide that is, I hope I get to know him." Smiling, she reached a hand out towards his. "He seems like a great guy."

The man hesitated for a moment before he accepted the hand that was reaching for his and held it gently. He took his other hand and wrapped it around it and leant forward in the chair, ignoring the chair's protest at the moving around. “You always knew the right words but I do not think at the moment words are enough.” He admitted. “I have seen some terrible things but I will get there eventually.” He was not sure if he was promising her or himself all of this.

Another snippet of information, a fleeting insight. It warmed something inside of Cal to know that he had come to see another version of her as a source of comfort, though further consideration would eventually present it as potentially intimidating also. She would need a clearer head to properly think it through. "So you're saying we just need to be patient with you?" Screwing up her nose, the fatigued linguist poked fun at herself. "It feels like it should be against the rules for people to jump entire universes to tell me to be patient. Next you'll be telling me I have to slow down too."

“Well it would not be such a bad thing.” He commented with a smile. He knew people were being patient with him so that was a given and he was relieved for it. “Well I am telling you to be patient with me and yourself. You’ve had an experience.”

"I'll be fine." Never one to hate the spotlight, it still had to be for the right reasons and vulnerability definitely didn't count. "Even if my brain does seem to be trying to bash its way out of my skull currently." Cal lifted her free hand to massage her temple, her eyes closing into a faint grimace. "Usually my head only hurts this badly after I've had enough fun to warrant it."

Benjamin squeezed her hand in sympathy before pulling back. “I will get Petty Officer Daglish on my way out.” He said thinking she still needed rest as did the engineer. He was starting to realise he needed to sleep and not just reflect on everything. Maybe he would ask for a sleep aide at the same time as Calanthe’s pain relief.

Ordinarily, Cal would have protested. More than that, she would have tried to sit up by now, insisting that she was taking the bed from someone who needed it more. She did neither of those things, resigned instead to common sense of proper recuperation. Knowing that what she'd experienced had a fatal outcome for some left the brunette disinclined to risk further damage. As it was, she had the odd sensation of being curiously detached from the events that had lead to this; try as she might, she couldn't form a clear picture of what exactly had happened in the messhall.

"Hey," she murmured as she felt Ben's hands slip from hers, her eyes still closed. "When I get out of here, I owe you a drink, okay?"

The man was pushing himself to his feet and paused. “You do not owe me anything, Calanthe. No one does. I am just an Earth Starfleet Officer do my best in a terrible situation but I would love a drink.” He said trying to not give her a straight up rejection when he wanted to get to know this universe.

Sleepy eyes opened just long enough to regard him fondly before Cal allowed herself to succumb to her fatigue with only a faintly murmured, "Good", to finalise their arrangement. Eventually, she would show signs of being a terrible patient because, in general, she was but that could wait until after another nap.