Settling For Something Part 1

Posted on Wed Mar 1st, 2023 @ 1:05pm by Warrant Officer Iryna Voznyuk & Staff Sergeant Nathanial "Nate" Cusack
Edited on on Mon Mar 6th, 2023 @ 1:48pm

Mission: Sojurn
Location: Relea
Timeline: Day 333 Late
4124 words - 8.2 OF Standard Post Measure

Standing in the snow was a unique sensory experience that engaged all of Iryna’s senses. She could feel the cold snow crunching beneath her boots, and the chill seeping through her clothing, making her shiver even though she knew she could head back inside from the balcony. The air around her was frigid, and she could see her breath as it mingled with the cold mist of the snowflakes that fell around her.

Everything was blanketed in a layer of snow. The ground far below was white and pristine, with a thick layer of fluffy snow covering everything in sight. The trees were dressed were white, with their branches and leaves coated in a thick layer of snow, creating a winter wonderland. The sensation was hard to describe, but it felt invigorating, like you were breathing in something pure and cleansing and very much needed to the Marine after so long in space.

“You’ll freeze if you can stand there.” She called back not taking her eyes from watching the ice that was bobbing around in the ocean feeling eyes on her. They had returned to the complex where they had been given rooms but a Iryna had ended to the balcony for a moments thought despite how damp she was .

The trip back had required fortitude that even Nate had nearly failed to muster. As much as it was in his nature to be somewhat grandiose, his inability to tolerate the cold seemed genuine. Childhood had been spent in a much more temperate climate, with a preference towards the heat of summer, and any experience with snow had involved intentionally traveling to it for recreational purposes, not attempting to live in the midst of it. His decision, once they'd navigated the awkwardness of crossing a private threshold together, to leave Iryna to her own devices had been partially motivated by respect but also had a lot to do with draping himself over a heating vent.

He could nearly feel his fingers again.

"I can freeze if I stand here too. Ability to remain frozen isn't currently a problem." Though he called out, Nate was proving his best intention to honour the discussion they'd had on the way over and kept his voice from carrying too far. She wanted to keep him to herself for now and he was honestly pretty done also with other people's opinion of his personal life.

The woman smiled and slowly turned back around and saw him huddled over anything that could produce heat. She felt a little bad so slipped back inside and closed the door behind her allowing the heating to kick in and slowly started to warm the room up. Iryna watched him for a moment before she started to take off jacket and stomp her boots before she sat down to take them all off. “You should take some of it off to help.” She advised.

"She says, having just spent the last five minutes instructing me to keep my pants on." It was a relatively gentle tease for all it didn't pull a lot of punches. Nate had held hands aloft in supplication in defense of his willingness to play the gentleman and not misconstrue her invitation to private quarters as anything more than an attempt to get out of the cold without dealing with prying eyes. Part of becoming a dirty little secret, he supposed, was getting used to being crammed inside small spaces. He wasn't all that sure he could fit under the beds here though. "At least the benefit of so much ice is no shortage of water for hot showers. I can go back to mine and grab one later." Flexing his fingers, Nate added, "I probably won't freeze to death in the meantime."

“You have several items of clothing to help before you get to your pants, Nate.”
She pointed out as she took her boots and then socks off. She smiled and took her jacket to hang over the back of a chair. “Come on…” she held out her hand for his jacket to hang up to dry off more. “Could have one here if you want. Nothing is going to happen between us, Nate, but I also do not want you to be cold.” She could not help but tease him back a little.

This was what came from attempting to date a marine. His superior office, no less. For a minute, it was clear Nate was contemplating refusal, more out of an intent to tease than outright stubbornness, but being belted around the head once more with the whole you're-not-getting-any-tonight-soldier line saw his shoulders collapse in defeat, matched by the resigned rolling of his eyes as he extended both arms outwards like a child. "But if I take a shower here, how will I ever control my rampant inability to keep my hands off you?" He offered her a deadpan down the length of his nose. "You want to tie them behind my back while you're at it just to be sure?”

“If I am that unresist-able then there will be bigger issues, Nate.” The woman challenged back. “And tying someone up for them to shower is not a practical solution to anything.” She added giving up holding her hand out for his jacket and sat back on the couch and stared at him shaking her head. She was certainly not that unresist-able and she was sure tying him up would not at all help the situation.

Since offering his arms for her to pull his jacket off had apparently not worked, Nate dropped them to his side for a moment before just doing the task himself. By now, the melted snow had started to feel like it was seeping through, though it was probably more the cold sweat from exertion. Punching a brick wall was hard work. With a wince, he eased the sleeve over his damaged hand and flexed it carefully before turning to hang the jacket up next to hers. "I think my point was that you already made your point. I can be a good boy."

“I know you can, Nate. But it means I have to be good too.” The woman smiled and moved over to him and took his hurt hand in hers for a proper look at it. She was pretty sure that he would be smarting for a while to say the least. “Hurts I bet. Let’s see what the first aid kit can do about that.” She offered.

"Oh, so that's what this is about," he called after her, lips tugged into a half grin. "Less about Cusack's lack of restraint and more about..." He caught the look on her face as she reemerged with medical supplies and wisely changed course mid-sentence. "It does hurt. A lot." Self-inflicted, of course, and that normally would have been enough of a reason for Nate not to have mentioned it at all, but he was playing with her. Bottom lip stuck out, his exaggerated pout looked ridiculous but he was determined to make her laugh.

She pressed him down onto the chair at the desk. “Well what happens when you punch people.” She reminded, running her thumb along his lip, bending to kiss his forehead. He was impossible but maybe that was what she liked about him. She smiled and picked up the first aid kit starting to look through it. It was a Realian first aid kit so it would take her a few moments to figure it all out.

"If it's any consolation, I'd do the same if someone was talking trash about you." And as flippant as his phrasing was, it wasn't such a stretch to suppose that Nate was being utterly honest about that. The skin missing from his knuckles had already started to dry out, and his hand was made all the worse for the fact there hadn't been any time to clean it before storming off into a blizzard. Swollen fingers accompanied the deep bruising that was starting to show but Nate was reasonably sure he hadn't broken anything. Either that or his hands were too cold for him to tell.

“Course.” Iryna said as she touched what looked like a standard bandage at least that was normal looking compared to the other items in the kit. “I should have brought something from the ship as this looks a little unusual to me but we shall persist.” She pulled out a wipe and slowly ran it across the cut. It smelled like seaweed but it seemed to be cleaning away the blood.

What it smelled like, as far as Nate was concerned, was sushi. And he wasn't a fan of sushi. "Are you sure you're not just basting me for the oven?" Far from a perfect patient, he wriggled his fingers to explore whether or not the faint stinging was a normal reaction to disinfectant. "Just add some slices of lemon and I'll go perfectly with a nice Pinot Gris."

“No oven here.” Iryna assured opening up another container that had an ointment to wipe over the wounds. “How does it feel?” She wondered seeing him wiggling his fingers. It certainly smelled like something unique but as with everything else she had seen on Relea she suspected it would be something more advanced.

"It smarts." A further flexing of his fingers gave Nate an opportunity to explore further. "Though I think they're also starting to go slightly numb. It's hard to tell, they were already cold." Dubious eyes lifted to meet hers. "You are sure this stuff is compatible, right? You didn't just coat me with fish-resistant acid."

“I am sure. This is a species that is more advanced and this is a hotel. You could be really unlucky to be allergic though?” She answered quietly thinking that it might be the reason for the numbness and more. “Fish-resistant acid? That’s a new one.” She laughed blooming at her own hands. “It’s … oh dear it’s making my hands numb.” She realised they had been talking so long she had not washed it off. She shook her head and quietly disappeared into the bathroom connected.

"Absolutely unbelievable," Nate murmured, staring down at his hand. He wasn't very worried, plenty of analgesics had the capacity to interact with pain receptors enough to provide some comfort. It was the entire purpose of teething gel, after all. And it was hardly surprising that a race who worshiped ice centred all their medical advancements on turning their patients into blocks of it. Still, the opportunity to tease had prevented itself, and hearing her laugh had a certain addictive quality to it. "It's a bit late now," he called to her, "to try and back pedal on the whole Ice Queen thing."

“I will not be back pedalling it’s my defence and persona to help cope with stress.” The woman said softly. It was easier to explain without looking at him. She said nothing else until she stepped out the bathroom looking mildly stunned holding a towel drying her hands. “It’s beautiful in there.” She had never stayed in a posh hotel room before but an earth one had nothing on the room she was sure.

The expression on Nate's face was incredulous at best. "We just landed on a planet, the first time we've been able to walk on solid ground in months, and you're going to base your 5-star review on the bathroom? He leaned back in his chair, a thinly veiled attempt to hide his curiosity behind a seating adjustment. "How beautiful are we talking here?"

“The type of bath you could spend hours in.” The woman said glancing back at it with a grin. She blushed under his gaze and set about wrapping his hand so it would be covered and projected. “We need to get you some gloves.” She said coughing awkwardly trying to hide the moment of girliness that had slipped out.

The arch of a curious eyebrow did very little to let her off the hook. "The bath, huh?" Nate obligingly flexed his bandaged hand without taking his eyes off Iryna's face, determined to catalogue every faint trace of colour that painted her in a far different light to what she typically preferred. A faint smile, altogether too familiar in its mischief, tugged at his lips. "Starting to sound kind of determined to get me to use your facilities. Is there a hidden camera in there I should know about?"

“Not from me. And you have your own bathroom.” She said poking his shoulder. She was not going to give into his mischief and falter so she leant forward and kissed him. “But you are more than welcome to… no camera from me but who knows Realian might be interested.” She teased a little breathless.

"Oh, undoubtedly." Recovering somewhat from his own surprise, Nate nodded in exaggerated agreement. "And then you'd be forced to push back hoards of cold, clammy fingers just to make sure they don't put their froggy-lips all over me." He shuddered. Nate, it had to be said, was taking perhaps a little longer than most to adjust to the obviously alien nature of their hosts. It wasn't an intent to be insensitive, there was just something about them that spoke to very primal views on reptiles and their desire to consume him.

The woman pushed back from his chair and sat on the bed. “I am not your defender.” She chuckled a little and shook her head. “I am sure you will get used to it all in our recovery time. They are very gracious and we are very lucky.” She had been sceptical but with just so many different species it would be hard to fool anyone on this scale.

"I'm sure they're fine and most of them probably don't want to eat me, or freeze me on ice for an upcoming tribute to some sort of horrific sea monster." Nate didn't really understand his own squeamishness and had done his best to adjust, though holding a conversation with their hosts was something he still hadn't mastered. The temperature had played its part in his inability to relax, though it was hard to argue that the planet was responsible for the bulk of his tension.

Looking down, he flexed the fingers of his damaged hand again and frowned.

"I guess there's still a chance I'll get traded for caviar."

“And if anyone is to sacrificed to a sea monster it would not be you. Far too chewy and muscly.” She teased before she noticed the look on his face. “What is wrong?” The woman finally decided to just cut to the part where she asked what was going on to make him so… unnerved by the planet. No one else was acting like that so it had to be something uniquely him.

There were a lot of things that were uniquely Nathanial Cusack. An inability to properly talk through his emotions was top of the pile. "Eh." The non-committal noise was accompanied swiftly by an inability to make eye contact at first, though the marine's gaze wandered around the room like an aimless child to compensate. "Been a while since we met anyone new, my social skills are rusty." It was a flimsy excuse and once he made the mistake of glance at her, Nate realised Iryna wasn't falling for it. A relenting scoff saw him make a better stab at it. "I don't know, maybe it's just that this all feels a bit too good to be true." He broke eye contact again to look towards the bathroom, with all its reputed opulence. "Last time an alien showed up to dangle happy fun times in our faces, he wiped the floor with us."

“Smith?” She demanded leaning over to touch his hand running her thumb back and forth in a soothing gesture. She could understand his reaction if it was that which was bothering the man but Smith had mind warped them not offered them luxuries and time to repair there over worked ship and systems.

The clench of his jaw under her touch betrayed Nate's tension. "I know we didn't have much choice but almost feels like we were too hasty here." Given recent choices, Cusack wasn't exactly the best candidate for denouncing impulsive behaviour but his look of worried pensiveness was different to his typical push-back. "We've got nothing against them, Iryna." Conflicted emotions stirred as his eyes found hers. "Just like we had nothing against Smith."

“Smith had met plenty of other versions of us, he had many issues with us. Whether we fully understood them all not… come here.” She tugged him to his feet and over to the closed balcony doors. She did not open it but she did just admire the darkening sky and and the twinkling lights across the water. “How I look at this world there are 100’s of different species and that is impossible to maintain without some type of spark of benevolence or kindness. I also need to believe that I am not going to die before I get to experience that bath.” She added nudging his side, sliding her arm around him.

There was sense to her reasoning though Nate found it hard to place his faith in anything much when it came to crew safety, particularly what remained of their unit. He didn't necessarily begrudge the disproportionate amount of casualties, it was their job to lead any forward assault after all and that tended to up the risks associated. That didn't make it easier to process, especially not when he was constantly being rendered impotent to prevent further damage. Turning his head, he rested his chin atop hers and contemplated the emerging sense of protectiveness that had always been there but now seemed to be developing a more tangible definition.

How was he meant to keep her safe if they constantly kept winding up facing off against superior firepower?

It wasn't a fretfulness that he had words to express, however, being somewhat shit at emotional exposition at the best of times. Instead, Nate stood there for a while, hoping that some of her confidence would seep in through their connection, and after a while he found that having her close at least calmed him down. Enough to bring a familiar twitching smile to his face.

"You know," his tone was lighter now, "you talk about that bath an awful lot for someone determined to be Ms. Nothing's Going to Happen Nate."

The woman smiled at the smile she could almost feel on his face. It did not take a genius to know what the tone was. “You want to rush this?” She questioned not moving from what was becoming a comfortable position to stand in just watching the world pass below. It was a soft question but it held so much weight behind it that Iryna wanted to ask. Maybe she was pushing it after all even thought her obsession was purely selfish. She wanted to feel clean and warm for the first time in forever. “I am obsessed because I have not felt completely comfortable and clean since the future ship.”

"Actually, the opposite." The arm around her gave a gentle squeeze. "Trouble is, 'rushing it' is different for every person and what I'm struggling with here is figuring out where it actually stands with you."

It wasn't an accusation, just a genuine attempt at open communication. He had asked for help in avoiding being an asshole, after all. This felt like a good place to start. "You don't have to keep me around if you want to take a bath, I can probably keep myself out of further mischief for a while." He leaned down to press his face into her hair. "But you're drawing some interesting battle lines if you're trying to get me in there with you." He just wanted to do the right thing. Lord only knew he'd done plenty of the wrong thing so far and trying to guess his way through what her mixed messages actually meant seemed like a recipe for further mess. "What do you want? The only wrong answer is the one you don't really mean."

“I want a bath but I don’t want you to leave.” She said conflicted by her own emotions. It was a strange place to be in and she was really not at all sure if she liked it but it was an honest explanation. “It is an interesting position to be in for myself. I want to rush but I also want to savour every moment.” She blushed feeling silly in that moment for admitting more when she could have left it there and it would have likely been enough for him.

It struck Nate then that he'd probably never really invested very much time in communicating this kind of thing with previous relationships. Diaz had been almost accidental and, drawn to her vivacity, he'd seen some sort of invigoration in maintaining what they had but time and reflection had made him see that it probably never would have settled into anything healthy. She saw through him every bit as well as Iryna did, she just didn't have the same context for understanding and tolerating his bullshit that the other marine was capable of. Recent developments had also made him realise, and feel a little stupid for not having picked up on it earlier, that Calanthe had been dealing with emotional backlash at the time. He didn't enjoy being a rebound. It happened far too often.

He found himself awkwardly determined to view this relationship, (his mind was still getting around the hurdles required to consider it such), as something worth the kind of effort he hadn't really managed in the past. That was the point of it, right? Stuck on a ship, so far from everything, don't do anything that you weren't prepared to try to do well.

Hands on his hips, he was shaking his head at her.

"Well, Ms. Clear as Mud, that sure didn't help at all." He grinned though and seemed to accept the fact that she'd send the tennis ball back into his court. "Look, take your bath. I've tried to share tubs before and if it's not a hot-tub designed for multiples, there are just too many things to stick into places you'd rather they didn't. I don't have to go anywhere." He glanced around the room. "Just give me a job to do or something."

The woman felt a relief as he said he was going to stay and not disappear off if she went into the bathroom. “Next time.” She said glancing up at him and touch his hand with the back of hers. She wanted there to be a next time she just did not want to feel that exposed that day. There had been enough vulnerabilities exposed that she was feeling pretty raw and tender emotionally. “Well the only job I can give you is work out something for dinner and drink.” She knew she was going to feel hungry.

With a slow turn of his head, Nate surveyed the kitchenette with no small amount of trepidation. "I can't even work a normal oven properly," he confessed, one of life's natural born barbeque-ers. Drawing in a deep breath, he then exhaled in defeat. "Still, I suppose there's a first time for everything." The idea of making her dinner had a sort of appeal to it, if only to appease a deep-ceded understanding that he kind of owed her some sort of gesture. Hurt feelings only justified so much and he'd been...well, he'd been himself. If that hadn't earned her extra effort, nothing would.

"Go on," he murmured, pressing his face to her temple and then nuzzling her in the direction of the bathroom. "Scoot, before I think too much about how thin this separating wall actually is."

The woman squeezed him against her for a moment before she moved away. “Thank you.” She called over her shoulder not telling him what for just thankful to him. She could explain more after the bath and the time and space to think.

Nate watched her go, paused for a moment before he caught himself staring speculatively at the bathroom door and then roused himself to turn and face the kitchen.

"Okay then, Cusack," he said aloud as a means of distracting himself from the sounds of running water, "Which one's the toaster?"