Looking Inwards, Whilst Looking Outwards

Posted on Wed Jul 3rd, 2024 @ 9:56am by Crewman Anouska Black & Ensign Mercy Mourne

Mission: Remnant
Location: Science Lab 2
Timeline: Day 402 03:00
2444 words - 4.9 OF Standard Post Measure

Anouska hated monitoring the science labs on night shift but it was one of the few times of night that she felt she was alone in the universe and could have a moment to herself. Between her roommate making far to much noise at points and her role in science becoming more gatekeeper than researcher she was not overly happy but she was not sure how to fix it. She was sure that others felt like that at points but it was becoming a repetitive feeling.

She jumped up as the compartment door was pulled open making her stand quickly. “Good morning ensign.” She announced surprised that the woman was there at 03:00.

Mercy let out a jaw cracking yawn in response and waved to Anouska. “Morning Crewman, how’s the graveyard shift treating you?” She smiled and sidled up and placed a cup down beside the woman. “Wasn’t sure if you might need a drink. I know you are on duty and everything, but it’s there if you want it.” She then gave an apologetic smile. “It is decaf as I didn’t think a shot of caffeine this late was a great idea.”

“It’s 03:00 ma'am?” The crewman stated confused that the officer was there. Only Lieutenant Darru ever came prowling through the night shift and that was because she was sure he rarely slept. “But it is fine. I have set up all the stations for alpha watch and also fed the pet rock.” She said indicating the glass case that the science department kept as a practical joke and morale booster.

“Woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep so thought I would come make myself useful.” She then looked at the rock and grinned. “Thanks for feeding Alfonse, I was beginning to think he had lost his appetite.” Mercy then looked around and smiled. “I always know when you’ve been on the night shift because everything is so impeccably set up when I come in for the day. Thanks very much.” Mercy didn’t know Anouska terribly well but she always appreciated the way she worked and how considerate she could be.

“Anything I can help with? Please don’t send me back to my lonely bunk to stress out about how I can’t sleep.” She gave the woman a ‘pity me’ face completely with comically large eyes and a silly pout.

Anouska could not claim that she had ever had that issue. As soon as she lay down she was out for the count other than when her roommate was noisy. The woman did not mean to be and she really had tried to be quieter but it just made it worse. Anouska did not complain as it was so much begged than being alone. The crewman blushed at the compliment and nodded.

“I appreciate the kind words Ensign. I try my best and it makes everyone’s life easier.” She assured softly. “Well I guess that you could interrupt my silence but I am not really doing much right now so I thank you for the coffee.” She took the offered mug and sat back down on her stool.

Mercy took a seat at a nearby station and spun on her stool for a moment before she came to a stop facing Anouska. "So how have you been? It feels like with our shift schedule we have hardly seen each other."

Anouska shrugged a little. She was down in the dumps thanks to the incident with Marlowe and his attempts to try it on with every female crew member he could find. It was not something that everyone knew but she had been effected by the accusations from him. “I think I am feeling a little bit down if I am honest Ma’am but I am trying my best to try and get on with things. What about you?” She wondered quietly.

"Oh you know, same old. Been missing home a little more lately. Bit like an itch, I know I shouldn't scratch, but can't seem to stop myself." She then tilted her head and looked at the young woman with a steady and kind gaze. "What's got you feeling blue? You look like my sister when she realised that there was no air outside the Tycho colony bubble. She wanted to cover the moon in flowers, I felt like a monster explaining why that wouldn't be possible." Mercy chuckled and shook her head, her hand coming up to rub at the ache in her chest. "Something disappointed you or made you feel blue?"

Anouska nodded. They were all feeling like that in regards to home after nearly 400 days but her issues were purely on the ship. “Just this stuff with Ensign Marlow and the trouble he caused with the women onboard. The stuff he said about me before Lieutenant Darru stepped in to knock him down a peg or too. I keep thinking that maybe I am going to end up alone, maybe I am worthless.”

"Is that so?" Mercy seemed to think hard for a moment and then she sighed. "Well, I could tell you that there was no need to think like that, and that you should value yourself more, but in truth... that kind of feeling needs to come from inside. So..." She scootches her stool closer to Anouska and gives her a soft smile. "How about we try something a little odd? Let's treat it like any other scientific problem. Hypothesis - Anouska Black is underserving of love and will be forever alone. What evidence do you have to support this Crewman? And what evidence might dispute it?" There was not a hint of mockery in Mercy's tone, in fact she looked exactly like she normally did when she found a bit of data that didn't make sense. "And I think we can discount any evidence Ensign Marlow might have provided since the integrity of that particular data source is wildly unreliable." It was perhaps the politest way Mercy could openly call the man an arse.

Anouska watched the woman scoot closer and found herself not backing away now that she had put it out in the open. The woman was truly wanting to help her despite the awkwardness of the situation. “Well he might be unreliable but he is still evidence. He is the only person who has shown interest and that interest was really weird.” She pointed out quietly wrapping her hand around the mug feeling the heat from the decafe coffee.

"The only thing he is evidence of is that sometimes fools slip through the academy." Mercy says flatly. "And of course there has been no interest shown, these are stressful times. It is not exactly like there is a club we can drag you to and prove you wrong. You are not alone in being alone here." Mercy then nudges her shoulder a little. "Now, what evidence do you have to the contrary. Let's look at both sides before we speak with any sort of certainty hmm?" Mercy was resisted listing all the reasons why she was certain Anouska would not be alone forever, it would be more meaningful if the young crewman could arrive there alone.

“Earth Starfleet Academy is still learning.” It might have been creating from some of the best military academies the Earth had to offer it did not mean that the processes were perfect especially for specialists that required universities or other qualifications. “No one ever wants to talk to me.” It was a simple thing that outside of the men who liked men onboard she rarely had a conversation with any of the male crew members which was increasing the loneliness when they made over 75% of the crew.

“You are sweet to make excuses but sometimes it’s okay to call a spade a spade.” Mercy then gave Anouska a teasing grin. “Come on now, say it with me, he’s a prick!” She then sighed, in truth it felt like she was looking in a painfully shy mirror. So she did the only thing she could, tell Anouska what she had always wished someone would tell her.

“I think you are beautiful and smart and incredibly sweet natured. I think you have probably caught the eye of someone, but on a ship like this, sometimes people try to give each other space. There is never any privacy and people sometimes mistake shyness for a desire to be alone.” That was something she had certainly been experiencing. “Maybe instead of waiting for someone to talk to you, you should reach out to them. Has anyone caught your eye? Maybe find yourself a good wing woman. Someone you can get dressed up with and have a good time regardless of if anyone catches your eye. You might feel better for just having let off some steam?”

She then reached out and gave the woman a friendly squeeze on the shoulder. “But anyone, and I mean this Anouska, anyone would be very lucky to get to know you better. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t happen at some point.”

Anouska blushed more if it was possible but thanks to her darker skin it did not show quite as much as it should have. "Thank you Ensign but I have tried and I did go out when we were on Relea but nothing." She sighed. "And not overly but I do not really see many people on this shift other than people who wander in by accident." She knew the roster change every three weeks or so much it certainly did mess with her emotionally.

Mercy hummed in sympathy. "Relea is only one example, just give yourself a little more time. And sure being on the graveyard is hard, but you won't be on it forever. Soon we'll swap and you will be able to be around people a little more. How about the next time we take shore leave we can figure out who would be a good person to speak to and approach them together? I'm not the best person for all this love stuff, outside of the department I hardly know anyone, and I'm not the most graceful socially, but maybe there's someone who could set you up? Or we could go and speak to the morale officer and suggest a singles mixer?" Mercy rubbed the back of her neck, the thought of going to some sort of party made her feel like a fish out of water, but if it meant helping Anouska she could probably do that. "And in the meantime if you get lonely, just come talk to me. I'm not exactly a great date, but at least you won't have to be lonely alone."

“Well let’s hope that shore leave comes along soon. I’m already missing the wind on my face.” Anouska nodded. It all sounded like a good idea but she needed to get back to one point she had said. “But I do have a question for you? How can you not know anyone on board after a year?”

The speed at which Mercy’s pale face turned pink was almost impressive. She ran a hand through messy hair and for a moment considered trying to laugh it off but the other woman had taken time to open up to her, the least she could do was be honest in return. “Ah well, at first I was just busy, and maybe a little scared. I threw myself into my work hoping it would help me cope with our situation. Then, by the time I was ready to accept what was happening, people seemed to have kind of… just found their people. Does that make sense? It felt scarier to approach groups of people than individuals. So then focusing on work and spending time by myself was a good excuse not to worry about rejection.” She huffs and gives the woman a self-deprivations smile. “Silly huh? And kind of makes me a hypocrite. Here I am trying to help you open up to possibilities, but I’ve been too scared to do the same myself. I’ve been trying a bit more recently but I still feel… I guess inadequate?”

"You are an Officer on a ship with very few other officers Ma'am. You can make friends easily with them first and then start with enlisted." She was not putting herself down there was a chain of command so she was just stating the truth. Anouska laughed softly as the data she had been looking through beeped loudly. "We've loaded more data for the search." She declared leaving it there, a few more minutes of discussion would be okay. They both obviously needed this discussion.

Mercy gave a thoughtful him then startled as the computer beeped at them, she had been so engrossed in mulling over Anouska’s words that she had forgotten what they were supposed to be doing for a moment. Once she had laughed off her jump scare and caught her breath she gave Anouska a warm smile. “That’s good advice crewman, I’ll take it to heart. Tell you what, how about we make a bit of a deal? I’ll try and work on my external relationships a bit if you promised to work on your internal one. Try and see the clever, valued person who we all enjoy working with? Seem like a fair trade? Neither of us have to be perfect, we can just try?”

Anouska sighed and looked at the console running her fingers across it for a moment before she nodded. She could make that type of deal, it was in her best interests to try. "I will." She assured. It would not be easy at all as Marlowe's treatment of her had been awful to her self esteem but she would at the very least try.

Mercy smiled and then got to her feet. "That's great, maybe I can be a little braver now we have that agreed." She gave the crewman a cheeky smile. "I should leave you to your shift and see if I can get some work done so Lieutenant Darru doesn't yell at me for doing unauthorised overtime AND distracted my colleagues." She hadn't actually ever seen the man give anyone a dressing down, although she was sure he was capable if pushed. She just didn't want to be the one to to find out what it looked like. "I'll be going over long range sensor data if you need anything Crewman, just give me a shout."