Couldn't Look You In The Eye

Posted on Sun Jul 21st, 2024 @ 9:02pm by Lieutenant Darru & Ensign Mercy Mourne

Mission: Remnant
Location: Science Lab
Timeline: 405 - evening
2305 words - 4.6 OF Standard Post Measure

All day Mercy seemed to have been working with a level of focus which was unusual. It wasn't that she normally didn't work hard, it was just she would usually be cheerful, smiling and cheering on whoever was at the station next to hers. Today however, she had come in, eyes on the floor and hurried straight to her station without a word. Anyone who watched her carefully would perhaps also notice that while she seemed on the surface to be working solidly, she had needed to double check her work more often than normal. She also tensed up every time the department head moved nearby or spoke to anyone.

Of all the people in the lab, Mercy was the one who usually would be the first to answer any queries Lieutenant Darru had. It had often caused some of the others to joke about her being a teacher's pet, but she had never minded before. She had just always wanted to help. Now though she couldn't even look at him without going bright pink, so her mature, and very measured response was that she would never look at him again. A perfectly reasonable and proportionate response. Highly sustainable. She couldn't give him the space he probably needed from her, not with them all working on top of each other, but she could at least try her hardest to disappear from his awareness.

Realising her mind had spiralled again and caused her to skip a data set, she muttered something barely audible to most and skipped back to start that section again. "Stupid Mercy, come on." A moment later she looked up from the datamining to realise it was later than she had thought. She lifted a hand to rub it over her eyes, at least she had finally succeeded in her personal mission of losing herself in her work.

"You are not stupid." A voice piped up from their duty station. Darru had been in and out of the lab for several hours as Leroux had told him that he needed to work from where they could centralise processing and core power. He could not blame her but as the day had gotten longer and longer, people had started to leave for the night and the second watch was in the other lab to allow this one to be cleaned up. But there were still 2 people there working away. "But I do suggest that you believe that you need to go to sleep or eat.. Ensign."

Mercy jumped and whirled around to face Darru, clearly having thought for a moment she was alone. She now looked like a deer confronted by a Romulan Bird of Prey. Her pads clattered to the floor as she flailed and startled a slightly choked noise from her.

“D-Darru! Lieutenant! I mean Lieutenant Darru, sorry, I thought I… uhm… didn’t mean… I was talking to myself.” She wanted to flee the room frankly but doing so now would only likely delay the awkwardness between them. “I’m sorry.” She blurted out, her voice coming louder than she intended and making her wince. “I appreciate the kindness, but I…” She trailed off not sure how to continue.

"But what?" The man wondered looking at his screen intently. "You should say the kindest words to yourself because as far as I am aware you are one of the smartest person on this ship so I do not see how you are stupid. Tired possibly but not stupid." He added finally looking up at her.

“But I really don’t deserve you being so nice.” Mercy but her lip, her shoulders slouching a little as her gaze dropped to the floor. Then his words seemed to actually register to her, and she looked up at him wide eyed. “You really think I’m one of the smartest people on the ship? Even after what I did?”

“You made a mistake as did I with my reaction.” He said looking at his console. “I got emotional and I should not have. You did not deserve that.” He looked up catching her gaze. “You are smarter than most people in your chosen profession.”

“That’s kind of you to say, thank you.” Mercy could feel her blush spread to the tips of her ears. His kindness did allow some of the burning shake to dissipate, the fact he still thought so highly of her after everything that had happened felt like a blessing. She then braced herself, knowing she should apologise properly, Darru deserved that respect.

“I am sorry I k-kissed you. Without your permission I mean.” Now Mercy should have stopped there, most normal people would have, but of course, once stated she was sometimes difficult to stop. “Not because you are not nice to kiss, it was very nice and you have surprising soft hands, and really anyone would be very lucky to kiss you on but I mean I shouldn’t have done that without your permission or without understanding the implication. I had been trying to think of ways to make you feel at home, and when I worked at Earth Spacedock I would occasionally see Vulcans bid each other farewell that way so I always mistook the gesture for something like a goodbye handshake. Which was very small minded of me, I really should have done my research more, it’s quite unacceptable. Not that it is unacceptable to think of you being kissed, I mean to do so without your permission, and to make assumptions about alien cultures. I am sure you would never have done such a thing and it must have been quite shocking, and it threatened your emotional control which is only understandable.”

Mercy’s brain was screaming at her to stop but once she started it was like her damn mouth hd a mind of its own. “I’m sure I would have felt the same if someone I didn’t think was attractive kissed me suddenly like that. Not that you are not attractive, you absolutely are. I find you very attractive, objectively speaking I mean, not in a creepy way, it’s just you’re very handsome. I would say one of the better looking people on the ship in fact and you carry yourself with a level of dignity and grace I have always admired, but that is besides the point what I’m trying to say is that shouldn’t have touched your hands like that, not because they are not nice, they are very nice hands, uhm but because I kind of ruined what was actually becoming a favourite memory of mine. Because now when I think about us getting closer I will also know that I made you uncomfortable. Which is really what I am most sorry about. Because I really value and respect you and your opinion and I appreciate you trusting me with your story and I hate myself for having put you in that position and having ruined those precious moments. It really was inexcusable and I should never have… that is I hope you can forgive me for putting you in that position and disrespecting your personal boundaries and your culture like that. And I would feel very honoured and very undeserving of you would consider me still your friend.”

She finally came to a rambling stop, holding out her hand in a friendly gesture. “My mother used to talk my brothers and I to kiss and make up, but they were boys and thought kissing was gross so we would shake-“. Then her eyes went wide and she pulled her hand back as though burnt.

“-or not! Sorry, just… oh dear I’m really making a mess of this. I just value your good opinion more than anyone and knowing I may have messed it all up seems to have turned me into a useless mess. I’m so sorry.”

The man opened his mouth several times, intending to interject, but each time he was cut off by her torrent of words. It was clear that she felt the need to speak, to unburden herself by laying everything out in the open. She talked quickly, her thoughts spilling over each other, creating a tangled web of emotions and explanations that he found increasingly difficult to follow. He tried to catch key points, but they slipped past him as her speech continued unabated. Finally, feeling overwhelmed and recognizing that they were both getting nowhere, he raised his hand in a gentle but firm gesture, hoping to stem the flow of her words.

"I believe you have said enough," he assured her quickly, his tone calm and soothing. He could see the telltale signs of embarrassment starting to colour her cheeks, a phenomenon he had observed in humans when they felt they had overstepped. "I appreciate your apology, but it wasn't necessary. I behaved just as poorly." He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, "You shifted things that were out of your control, and I reacted poorly to that. We both made mistakes. Let's focus on moving forward from here." His voice was steady, aiming to convey understanding and a willingness to forgive, hoping to ease the tension between them.

Mercy sighed in relief when Darru cut her off, honestly appreciating the gentle and firm interruption. “You did nothing wrong. I… shifted?” She seems lost at that, not sure what he could mean. “I would like that, to move forward. Thank you… can I… would you care to have dinner with me again? Sometime? I promise I will keep my hands to myself and let you clear your own plate?” Her eyes have a touch of the cheerful teasing which had been missing today.

“I have a lot going on in my head that I sometime meditate on to keep control on and your touch shifted it lose.” He said gently trying to not make a big thing on it when he was not sure but her touch had been nice when the man had not felt anyone touching him in many months. “But I would like to join you for dinner at some point . “ He admitted relieved that she was asking him to join her for anything.

“Thoughts about your wife?” Mercy hazarded a guess, assuming her touch must have caused painful and unpleasant memories. “I am so sorry, I didn’t… it must have been deeply unsettling for you. I will keep my hands to myself in future, unless you tell me it’s okay… or there is a medical need on some sort of away mission.” She brightened though when he accepted a future dinner invitation.

“You would? That’s great! I…” Mercy blushed a little, and ran a hand through her hair as if she might be able to somehow smooth it down, although it only made it even messier. Then she decided to be brave, not very brave, just a little… “I would really like that, I enjoy spending time with you and I was quite sure I had ruined my chance of getting to know you better.” She then gave him a teasing grin. “Maybe I can even persuade you at some point to stop calling me Ensign when we are off shift?”

The man offered a nod. He would quite like to get to know her too but there was the fact he was also her direct supervisor coming into play. He really needed to discuss all of this with someone but there was no one who he could speak to about all of the troubles he was having with his emotions. "It might happen with some time." He said with a nod.

Mercy gave Darru a small, shy smile and a nod in return. “That’s okay, I can wait. In the meantime I’m just glad we can still spend time together and you don’t harbour any ill will. Thank you, really.” Mercy ran a hand through her hair, missing it in nervous habit. “M-maybe… if it’s not offensive or too much bother… maybe you could recommend some cultural aspects of Vulcan society I could read up about? Just to avoid a repeat? Or recommend some Vulcan literature… I uh… came across some references to Vulcan poetry, but I wasn’t sure where to begin.”

Darru found himself raising an eyebrow at the question. He wondered where to direct her. "I know nothing of poetry and I likely know more poetry from Earth rather than my homeworld but if you are looking at cultural aspects look into Kol-Ut-Shan." He knew that children on Earth looked into now as it was known but adults rarely looked into it more and he decided that she might like it. "But I do believe that it is time for bed for us both." He hinted as 2 crewmen finally came into the lab to start cleaning things finally breaking the tension.

Mercy looked like she wanted to say more, but with their sudden audience felt quite shy all of a sudden. “Ah… right, apologies Lieutenant, I have kept you well beyond when I should have.” She gave a small stretch and winced as some of her neck and spine joints popped. “Thank you for taking the time to speak with me.” She said and then in lieu of being able to shake his hand or hug like she might some of her friends, she simply ducked her head in a clumsy nod. “I’ll, uhm… head back to my quarters then.”

Darru nodded and watched her leave. "Goodnight... Mercy." He called as she was already outside the door and turned to the crewmen waiting for some instructions. He would not be long himself he needed to catch up on a night where he had struggled to sleep.