This isn't about Logic

Posted on Wed Nov 13th, 2024 @ 10:28pm by Lieutenant Darru & Lieutenant Avira zh'Kenarh M.D.

Mission: Remnant
Location: Main Sickbay
Timeline: Day 409
2386 words - 4.8 OF Standard Post Measure

The sickbay running on power saving mode was darkened, even more gloomy than normal. People only came there when injured, so it was normal that people felt ill at ease. The atmosphere didn't help. Avira didn't mind it at all. With everything going on in her own life right now it was nice to have a quiet place to retreat to. This was especially true during the late shifts, which she and Doctor Hughes split between them to keep sane.

Avira was seated on an unoccupied bed, the back propped up so she could comfortably read the information on the PADD. Now that they had a second Vulcan on board it felt like an appropriate time to read up on some of the anatomy and known illnesses. Something they'd been quite conservative about sharing, especially with the Andorians. Her antennae twitched a split second before the sickbay doors opened and she peered over the edge of her PADD to see who it was that entered.

Darru had waited to approach sickbay until the other member of his species was safely discharged. It was not an unwelcome change to his life but he did not want to add the spanner to the works he had been building on the ship. He had over a year to build everything together and was not sure how to proceed with the change but he also wanted to check on the Doctor. “Good evening Doctor.” He greeted.

The Andorian slid off the bed and made her way to the centre of sickbay to greet the Vulcan science officer. "Good evening, Lieutenant. What can I do for your today?" She stood with her hands behind her back, PADD clutched in between the obscured hands.

Darru had hoped to engage in small talk before he got to the reason he had come to sickbay but as it was the Andorian and not one of the humans it was difficult to do that “I need you to look me other for anything wrong.” He answered moving to the bio bed opposite waiting for her to start the process.

Avira motioned for the bed that she had just occupied moments before, "Anything in particular I should be searching for?" At first glance there didn't seem to be much wrong with the Vulcan scientist. He wasn't sweating or out of it in other ways. Had he not come in for a check-up she didn't think anyone would suspect in the least something was up. "Any symptoms or relevant medical history I should be aware of?"

"I am feeling... e... emotional." He finally declared and the look on his face told her that it was not something he wanted to be doing. He had felt like that after he lost his wife, and it was not something he was ready for again so soon. Three years in his opinion was not a long time and he had worked very hard to get himself back in focus.

There was a moment where Avira hesitated at that. "If I understand it correctly, it's generally not the case that Vulcans don't feel emotions but that they learn to suppress them, right?" The upside of being in conflict with another species for an extended period of time was that you got intimately familiar with them. She had seen some emotional Vulcans in her time, most of the emotions involving some form of rage. She started up the medical scanner and moved closer to him, "is there something that might've occured that has made your normal techniques of suppression less effective?"

"People from another universe? Three years since I lost my wife? Someone who seems interested in me? Workload to find a fuel source? Pick?" He went through the list of potential problems that he had going on in his life at the moment. They were all complicated, to say the least. The man had spent the last year integrating himself among the crew members onboard and he was feeling unsure of whether Sub-Lieutenant T'Hala would judge him or more importantly if he cared. It was a juxtaposition that he had not encountered in a long time.

"If I'd had to pick, someone that seems interested in you?" Avira knew that's not what he meant, but Vulcans had a penchant to be overly literal and now that she had seen an opening to get back at one in that pedantic way she couldn't help but that the opportunity. "Seeing as all of those are psychological issues, I'm not sure why I'm conducting a comprehensive medical scan, nor do I suspect we'll find anything of substance."

"But it must be coming from something in my body. A chemical out of balance or... I am not a medical doctor but there has to be some type of issue other than psychological issues." The man countered back to her not at all convinced that it was as simple as him having issues. "And I might have been wrong in saying they seem interested... they are interested." He added correcting himself.

"I think even as a geneticist you'd realise that these things are in constant search for equilibrium with each other. It's not as simple as saying it's a chemical imbalance. It's got to come from somewhere." She turned the medical scanner showing all the readings falling well within normal parameters for him, "according to the computer there doesn't seem to be anything physically wrong with you. So we can do the whole manual examination, I hit a tendon with a small hammer, I listen to your heartbeat and lungs with a stethoscope, or we can skip that part and talk about how one of your subordinates expressed a romantic interest in you has affected your ability to manage your emotional well being."

Darru gritted his teeth hard as he stood and looked through the scanner and saw that his worst fears were realised as it was confirmed that he had nothing wrong with him. "I guess we can skip the manual examination." He said sitting back down hard on the bio bed. "I do not know how to discuss that." He admitted finally looking confused for a moment before he shook his head. "Humans are hard to understand."

There was a moment where Avira had to remind herself that this was a doctor/patient type deal now and she couldn't speak so frankly. "I am sure there are some that would say the same about Vulcans. Though I think you and I can agree that speaking in general terms is illogical." She put the scanner down and sat on the high stool, one foot propped up on the little crossbar, "What do you seek to understand about this particular human?"

"I will accept that many humans say that about me but I have tried to be less hard to understand." He said quietly before he looked at his hands. "I do not understand her feelings for me and the feelings that she is... she is stirring the same emotions in me." He finally admitted.

"Is it that you do not understand the feeling, or that you do not wish to understand them in an attempt to ignore them?" Avira had been working on her interpersonal skills around humans, but it felt like she could revert back to some of her more harsh and direct questions with Darru. It also occurred to her that through this conversation she felt that the equilibrium between them restored slightly. He'd always had more knowledge about her than the other way around.

The man took several long moments to work through what he was thinking before he finally came to a conclusion. "I do not wish to understand them in an attempt to ignore them. I am not worthy of this crew member's affections." He said slowly.

"You'll have to walk me through the logic on that one, Lieutenant." Avira felt like this might be one of those things where she'd have to work through the emotions underneath to get to the core of it. If only Hughes were here. She had seen him do it so effortlessly with some of the people coming in. He'd tried to explain some of it as well, and on a theoretical level she understood. In practice, she was far too eager to point out self delusion when she saw it.

Darru raised and eyebrow as he was asked to recount the reasons why he was not worthy of Mercy's affections. He thought it was obvious but it seemed the doctor could not see it without his words. "She is bright and I am very much not that. I cannot give her the emotional connection that she seems to crave. There are many reasons I could go into." He said. "I do not wish to hurt her."

Avira's antennae twitched, an involuntary tic as telling as the Vulcan's eyebrow raise. "I'm going to have to be honest with you, Lieutenant, it sounds like you're trying to make excuses to not have to admit certain emotions for yourself." She looked at the reaction from the Vulcan before adding, "Why do you think that is?"

The Vulcan in question did the most human thing that he had ever picked up from his colleagues and shrugged. "I do not know." He admitted to her and himself. He knew that logically connections between people happened but he was unsure of how it worked cross species. He had seen Daglish approach it easily but he was struggling to see it as well as see himself worth of it.

"Physically speaking there is nothing wrong with you, Lieutenant." She closed the scanner and pushed away the tray to eliminate any semblance of this being a medical examination. "Though I have to say that for someone such as yourself to have this strong of an emotional reaction, it might be something that would require some follow up." She had seen Vulcans who had given in to their more base urges. On the battlefield the logical ones could be ruthless, but the ones that let slip their rigorous training were absolutely brutal. "Is this something that could create problems for your emotional wellbeing down the line?"

Darru stayed quiet before he finally let out a slow breath as he really did not know if this was the start of Pon Farr or if he was just finally starting to suffer from the stress of it all. "I thought I had more time. Doctor what do you know of my species from a medical point of view and our bonding."

"The medical files that were shared are limited. Same as with the Andorian files. We were all working under the assumption that additional specialist care was readily available should the need arise." Obviously the reality of the matter was that there was absolutely no specialst care available to any of them, not even the humans. The upside of being Human on Atlantis was that there were several dozen 'control group' individuals. The only control they had for Avira and Darru was scans from earlier. As she thought the question over in her head she was sure there had been absolutely no mention of their bonding or indeed their mating. It simply wasn't included, not even from a purely academic and medical perspective. Even the Andorian medical database that had been shared made mention of their mating habits, and a fleeting mention of the cultural bonds between multiple Andorians in a union.

“I had hoped there would be some information on our time of bonding and mating. We call it Pon farr.” Darru nodded. It had been what he suspected would be said but it would have been more ideal for the woman in question to have a better understanding but he would have to explain it in his own way. Vulcans strived to purge themselves of emotion, and pon farr was an unfortunate reminder that emotions still existed within them and he was embarrassed to admit was the cause of his actions. “It is meant to be a private matter but…”

"Do you believe this to be that?" To Avira so far everything he had mentioned simply felt like there was a little bit of an infatuation with the woman in his department. Which would be problematic in and of itself, but nothing requiring medical attention. "Is it a traditional cultural imperative or a biological one?"

"I do not know. I thought I would have had more time but this far from home and the biological imperative might have sped things up. I was hoping you might have answers but we are both solo on this vessel without others of our own species for reassurance." He never thought he would miss another Vulcan to speak to and would give a lot at the moment to have even Stenn alive to bounce off.

In the years leading up to her signing up with the exchange programme Avira had felt that she needed some time and distance between herself and Andor. Darru was right though. This was simply too much time and too much distance. Not having anyone familiar, having to explain simple cultural references. Even just sharing a longing for a cold glass of Andorian Ale with someone who actually knew what they were missing. It was starting to wear on her as well. "I can endeavour to be a bit more Vulcan, if you can be a bit more Andorian from time to time."

The Vulcan raised an eyebrow at the question before nodding. "I believe I can endeavour to be more Andorian. I have a good example." The man said standing properly to escape whilst he could. He had not solved the problem but at the very least he now knew it was not medical related and he could prepare himself just a little more. "Thank you, Doctor," He offered. He appreciated her approach to his care, in challenging him and his viewpoint. Not many people did that on the ship.

Avira gave a sloppy Vulcan salute, putting her promise to be more Vulcan into immediate effect, "Live long and prosper, Lieutenant."

The Vulcan in question looked at the woman and gave her a strange nod before exiting sickbay as quickly as he could. There was too much to think about now.