Offering Dreamless Sleep

Posted on Sun May 25th, 2025 @ 10:16pm by Commander Benjamin Jamesson & Lieutenant JG Calanthe 'Cal' Diaz

Mission: Remnant
Location: Operations Office
Timeline: Day 409
2568 words - 5.1 OF Standard Post Measure

It was almost instinctual by now, such that even whilst lost in her own thoughts, Cal took an almost direct pathway to the new Operations centre rather than her own quarters. The conversation with Will had unsettled her equilibrium and Calanthe was astute enough to guess what would happen if she tried to sleep right away. She'd figured out strategies whilst awake, successful to such an extent that she had almost done away entirely with the distracting fixation which had threatened to overshadow everything. Sleep was a different matter entirely, made only more complicated by the fact that the only time recently where she'd slept for more than a couple of hours without waking up mid-nightmare was on the couch Ben liked to pretend was his assigned bed.

That wasn't why she was visiting, she told herself. She'd just...say hello, make sure he'd eaten and then get out of his space. They'd found a balance, the last thing he needed was to start blaming himself again for everything.

"Hey." It was at least easy to offer him a genuine smile. Cal had no idea what the man found to do that kept him so consistently focused and occupied but she'd never once sprung him just sitting around staring into space. There was no need to point out shift had ended nearly an hour ago, he knew. There was also no need to make a fuss over the food she'd smuggled out of the messhall, deposited in front of him in a manner that was fast becoming a nightly ritual. She could get him to sit down for breakfast with her but after that, it was more a case of throwing food at him on the way past. Easing herself into the stool opposite, which by now was surely moulded into a distinctly Cal-like indent, the brunette propped her chin up on her hand and maintained the charade of nightly routine by tucking her sadness behind warm amusement. "Little heavy-handed on the spice tonight, though the burger itself isn't half bad."

The man had thinking about the space that had been the MACO barracks and how it could be reused, which was why he had a PADD open in front of him and why he had maps of the ship open. He looked up and smiled at the woman who appeared and the food she had put in front of him. He had not realised how late it was in his shift, or as he glanced at the chronometer after his shift. "Thank you. Spice might help the head cold I feel is brewing." He said picking it up and taking a bit before he narrowed his eyes. "How was your shift?"

It was a good attempt but nothing was going to budge Cal past that first slip. "You're not feeling well? When did this start?" She resisted the urge to lean over and place a hand on his forehead, less because the physical contact was something that would still not sit well and more because she could at least concede he wasn't five years old. Concern creased her brow, however, not just for his sake but also the ramifications of a viral outbreak on top of everything else going on.

“Just a bit rundown, I suspect. This morning, but I just feel a bit fuzzy-headed.” He said quietly as he took a bite of the burger and smiled at the spice level and the taste. “Chef is obviously learning.” He felt happy at being able to taste something decent for once. The food was not awful but sometimes he thought it was bland.

"All the more reason for you to get some rest," Cal remarked pointedly, trying hypocrisy on for size. A glance at the work in front of him brought a tired smile to her face and she rose, more from a sense of restlessness than because she felt unwelcome. Stretching out her shoulder until it popped, Cal moved into the space, having long established a habit of favouring movement when she was trying to distract herself and communicate through it. "The new options have helped," she replied as her gaze ran over the wall and ceiling, despite there being very little to study. "Here's hoping this planet adds even more variety to the menu."

"Mmm hmm." He said, chewing his food quietly as he watched her. The food was good, but what he could see was the best part. He offered a smile to her. "Sit down and I'll eat this and then we can go for a walk or something." He offered, knowing he could finish things up quickly and get out of there so they could both spend time together.

There was a faint woosh as the cushions released trapped air, a submission without choice given the way Calanthe dropped onto the seat with a flop of physical defeat. Pacing wasn't helpful even if it did displace some of the nervous energy talking with Will had stirred up. Leaning her head back, Cal switched focus to contemplating the vague smell of engineer fused with the sofa's fabric and smiled at the familiarity. She closed her eyes. "They better not have found any beaches down there." It was a conversation meant to distract herself, though she wasn't without curiosity for the planet below.

"Are you planning to go down?" He wondered. He did not have any plans at all to go down, he did not need or have the time or the patience to leave the ship, but who knew, especially when they were hunting for fuel. He was an engineer at heart and would help where he could but he was content with what he was doing.

Turning to face him, curled so that she could continue to lean against the back cushion, Cal considered the question and then offered a tired shrug. "Undecided. I know there was talk of letting anyone who wanted to stretch their legs rotate down if the first group didn't find any major threats. I might." Given the ramifications of the last time they'd gone into a situation trusting their data, Cal was at least a little dubious. Still, the bigger issue was putting herself through the same grief adjustment that had hit most of the crew after leaving Relia. Shoving oneself back into a sardine tin filled with artificial atmosphere had been hard. Even saying goodbye to freezing cold temperatures had been bittersweet. "Could be the only way to drag Ben Jamesson away from his new toys." Her eyes had drooped but the gentle tease coaxed a chuckle.

He smiled at the way she said his full name. He loved it when she did that; in all honesty, it reminded him of another time and place with her but also reminded him that she was there wanting to be in his company. "I'll go anywhere with you, Calanthe." The man assured, watching her eyes droop a little as he finished up the burger and glanced down at the PADD. It was frustrating that he could not think of how to rearrange it all to give them more space.

The sentiment provoked a smile, though it wasn't enough to keep Cal's eyes from closing entirely. She had found it best to navigate this very grey area of their relationship by trying to let Ben stay in control of it, which she realised was not historically her strength and was probably equal parts amusing and frustrating at times. She didn't have a better strategy though; getting things right with Ben, wherever they landed, had the capacity to make or break her at the moment. "Going to hold you to that," she murmured, and then allowed herself to release the tension in her posture to sink into the cushions. She could wait for him.

---

"I can't, I'm sorry!"

The disorientation was achingly familiar in its own right. Those split seconds where her conscious mind struggled to regain control of her reality, to assert a sense of order onto the chaos that left its stain even as it dissipated. There was never a lot left to make sense of; sometimes a fleeting image or a voice, but the sensations...the emotions; those lingered. Once in a while, when she woke screaming, Calanthe would find herself twisted and tangled, but it was a long time since she'd wound up on the floor.

And she'd never woken up with someone trying to talk to her.

"Ben?"

Her vision took its time in processing their surroundings, which held nothing in common with her quarters and made it seem, if only for a split second, like she was still trapped in the patchwork of stitched-together locations that only ever made sense in her dreams. Several rapid blinks helped and as awareness rushed back, so too did realisation. "I fell asleep."

Ben had been deep in thought when he had heard the first cry, and he quickly stood up and moved to crouch by her and attempt to wake her. It took several gentle calls of her full name and shaking her shoulder lightly until she eventually came back. "Hi... yes, you did. Are you okay?" He wondered, trying to work out how to help.

"I'm okay."

The first reassurance was automatic. It took a couple of deep breaths and the eventual reestablishment of full awareness for Cal to slowly nod and repeat the words with more sincerity.

"I'm okay, I just... Bad dream." Reaching up, she kneaded the palm of her hand against her temple. "They don't usually happen that quickly."

Able to finally focus on the worried features in front of her, Cal was drawn from recovery by the emerging realisation that lack of context was making Ben worry more than he really needed to. She offered him the best smile she could muster and, for the second time in the space of as many hours, surrendered some personal secrecy to provide comfort.

"I'm fine. I promise, I'm okay. The neuro-toxin from our plant friend...how did Hughes put it? 'Did a number' on my hippocampus. Throw in some over-stimulation of the amygdala and, voila, brain goop. It's just bad luck really, it targeted the same functions Smith manipulated and it's taking a while to settle, that's all."

Ben paled as he listened to her and shook his head. The horror was real in his features as he took in everything that she said. “When… when does this happen? How often does it happen, Cal?” He asked not wanting to move away from her.

"It happens most nights," Cal admitted softly. "Hughes gave me something for it but...it knocked me out, nearly made me late for shift." The hunch of a helpless shoulder conveyed the perpetual Catch-22 succinctly. "I can't... I'm already down staff, Lexi's on the planet, the Captain's not on board, we're juggling energy issues. I can't risk being so doped out I miss an emergency call."

It wasn't playing heroics. It wasn't refusal to seek help. She'd gone to Sickbay, she'd tried the medication. The bad timing was nobody's fault. So why did the worried look in Ben's eyes, the creeping return of that haunted fear he'd fought so hard to move past, make her feel so damn guilty?

"It's usually better if I just take what I can get, a couple of hours depending." Cal glanced down at the sofa, as if noticing for the first time that Ben had helped her back onto it. "That three-hour nap we took here was the longest I've gone without...issues. But I'm okay. Hughes says it'll resolve itself eventually."

Ben sighed softly as he moved his arms back from where he had lifted her from the floor. He sat back on his heels and looked at her worried. “Then you need to have more naps with me.” He said softly. “But this is not at all healthy for you.” He added gently leaning out to brush a strand of hair from her face.

"There's a lot about what we're dealing with currently that's not ideal." As much as it was typical for Calanthe to be stubborn when it came to avoiding a victim's mantle, her tone was gentle rather than defensive. "This is the first time it's happened so soon after dropping off though," she admitted, her brow furrowed. It didn't seem a coincidence that she'd just come from the conversation with Will but it hadn't been the case for a while that thinking about the situation whilst awake had impacted what her brain decided to do when left to its own devices very much.

“No, a lot isn’t ideal but… we’re here.” He said kindly. The man slowly stood up to his full height and offered his hand to the woman. “Come on, I am taking you to your quarters where you are going to sleep properly. You are obviously exhausted and if my presence helps, then you are just going to have to have my presence.” He said quietly.

Of no surprise to either of them, Calanthe's first instinct was to protest. To her credit, she caught herself, mouth open with the words already forming, and opted instead to at least consider the offer first. It didn't seem fair, that was overwhelmingly her gut reaction. They had found an odd sort of balance, a connection that wasn't quite defined and certainly still had ample room for space and growth, because grief didn't favour consistency and she'd come to terms with the fact she just had to let Ben take the lead. The time they spent together had fallen into a routine, a predictable pattern that didn't include the engineer having to sacrifice privacy around the clock. This crossed a line much closer to everything he'd already lost once and they'd only just reached the point where being close to her didn't send him eventually spiralling into periods of overwhelming guilt.

"You don't have to do that." In the end, she had to at least try to pretend there was some other option. "It's too much, I can't ask you to..." Her words trailed off, unspoken but still understood.

Ben smiled a little and held out his hand still to the woman and waited for her to take it. “I have don’t have to, Calanthe, but I want to.” He assured her softy. “So you are not asking, I am offering you my presence to keep away your bad dreams . It is not too much.” He did not want her to feel like it was a burden or anything when he was sure he would get some sleep himself.

The slow relaxation of posture saw Calanthe visibly give in before offering any kind of verbal response. In truth, she was too rattled, too tired, too everything to argue, and certainly didn't have the energy to sort through the myriad of competing emotions that made the prospect of letting Ben into her quarters both appealing and alarming. Fixing him with a tired smirk, the gentle pointedness of a 'you win this time', Cal gave a soft huff of laughter and slipped her hand in his to ease up to her feet.

"Fine, but we're getting you a decent meal afterwards." The poke of a finger into his upper-arm teased Ben on the way out the door. "And no snoring."