With a heavy heart

Posted on Tue Jun 23rd, 2020 @ 6:35pm by Captain Bethsabée Leroux & Lieutenant Avira zh'Kenarh M.D.

Mission: Mission 3 - 100
Location: Sickbay, Deck E
Timeline: Day 31, Month 2, Year 0 22:00
1704 words - 3.4 OF Standard Post Measure

The lights were dimmed and the sickbay seemed desolate as the environmental controls were set to simulate night time for the benefit of the people's recuperation. Avira stood leaning against the one remaining empty bed in the bay and looked around, her eyes drifting off towards the morgue in the back of the ship. She swallowed a lump in her throat, wondering how to break the news to the commanding officer. She looked down and saw the blood splatters on her lab coat and scrubs. She felt like a fraud. So much senseless death and there hadn't really been much she could've done about it. But she was there to work miracles, to heal the weak and weary. She kept running everything through her head as her eyes landed back on the morgue. Maybe if they had been Andorians. Maybe if she had taken more time to study the Human physiology. Perhaps she could've done more. Her antennae drooped and her shoulders slumped as she let out a heavy sigh.

For a couple of serene moments, there was silent contemplation in the bay, then her antennae perked up at an approaching presence, she was able to straighten herself and step away from the bed to position her in the middle of the room half a second before the doors swooshed open. She immediately reached for a medical scanner and stepped in the direction, "Please come in. What can I help you with?"

Beth always the late-night catch ups with the Chief Medical Officer after attacks. She hated hearing the injuries and worse the deaths that had occurred and how the morgue was at capacity and somehow, they needed to find a way to lay their friends to rest so far from home. For a moment she thought about just giving in to the pain that surfaced every time she walked to sickbay, letting it consume her completely as there seemed to be no way out of the cycles. She paused for a moment, contemplating all they had fought for and all they could lose if they gave up now before she carried on. A leader did not give up whilst they had people under their command.

“I am here to see Doctor Seong,” Beth explained seeing the woman alone in sickbay other than two sedated patients.

"Commander Leroux," Avira's antennae drooped as she realised who had come in, and why "please have a seat." She motioned for the commanding officer to follow her to the low cabinet to her left and sat down on one end of the curved storage implement. This was the moment she had been dreading since she had come out of that surgery. How was she supposed to break this to the Captain of this ship? She had no idea how this would affect the CO, the ship, the department or even her personally.

Beth looked at the Andorian and frowned a little as she looked around and could not see the chief medical officer anywhere. It was not like her to be not there in her domain. She was not liking how the woman almost looked a darker shade of blue or how her antenna looked drooped from her minimal studies it was not a good sign. “Avira?” Beth said gently. “What is going on?”

"Doctor Seong was hit during the raid, I tried to save her but the wounds were too extensive," Avira hung her head a bit, again the doubt whether it would've been different had she been more aware of human physiology. Everything she tried to fix during the surgery, two more issues popped up. She knew to an extent that this was par for the course in combat medicine, but somehow this one got to her a bit more than others, "Doctor Seong passed away on the operating table ninety minutes ago."

Beth slowly looked at the woman and frowned for a moment as she listened to her words before she nodded her head. “We have a famous psychiatrist, a pioneer in near-death studies that I studied to try and find some rationale when death hit me hard many years ago and she said ‘It is difficult to accept death in this society because it is unfamiliar. In spite of the fact that it happens all the time, we never see it.’ it is truly becoming a norm now on this ship.” Beth said slowly rising to her feet as she started to pace and try and think through her thoughts.

Seong was gone but the ship needed the medical expertise still. The plans and forward steps they had planned to take still needed to happen for the rest of the crew. Beth hated that she was becoming cold to the loss. “How are you feeling?” She asked finally as her thoughts settled down enough that her empathy came back.

"It's probably true less for people in my profession," Avira had seen death and plenty of it. Gruesome fatal injuries on the field of battle and now in this sickbay she had the privilege of witnessing it in other species as well. She shook her head a moment at the seemingly universal bloodthirst. When the Captain asked how she was feeling it had come as a bit of surprise, normally nobody ever asked how the doctor was feeling. They were there to make sure the others were feeling well, "I'm alright. It has been a long day so a bit tired, but otherwise alright."

"We do not have many of your profession left onboard right now." The Commanding Officer commented with a frowned as the realisation hit her that they were going to have to step up peoples knowledge and do it quickly. "Do you have much left to do for the night before you can get some rest?" There was always something else to do but Beth was starting to see that they needed to change that mentality and get rest where they could.

"Some clean up, and I guess I should record a medical log for the day," Avira gave herself a slow nod before locking eyes with the commander, "I'll make sure there's proper documentation to hand over to whoever will take over for Doctor Seong." There was no doubt in her mind that the CO would want to assign a human to that post, seeing her recent failure to save the life of a human and lack of experience with their physiology.

Beth raised an eyebrow at the woman and the way she said whoever would take over. She blinked a few times before shaking her head at the woman still maintaining the eye lock that the woman had created. “Why would I pick someone else?” The Commanding Officer wondered finally. “So yes I guess you do need to clean your sickbay and do your medical log for the day as I will be wanting to see it in the morning.”

"I, eh." Avira frowned a bit and shook her head, "I figured you would want someone more qualified in the position, ma'am." She glanced back over to the morgue section of the sickbay.

“You are it,” Beth repeated what she wanted with just as much conviction as she previously had. She knew everyone’s record by heart after spending weeks reading them to try and understand her crew as well as Leah had. She knew that no one else had as much experience as the woman in front of her. It would help with the integration of the humans with the exchange officers they had been hosting. “You are one of three doctors on board and no one else has as much experience, they were here to gain experience. You can turn it down obviously but you are my choice."

"Thank you for your confidence in me, ma'am," Avira then shook her head, "I will not turn it down," then a confident nod, "I will turn it up." then a not so confident thumbs up. She immediately doubted if she had gotten the human indication of approval right.

Beth smiled a little sadly but nodded. It would take time for everyone to find their place but she was feeling happier that the other woman was at least feeling positive about the position that she was being thrust into. It did not suit everyone but she was pretty sure the exchange officer was the best choice as the other two were barely out of their internships. "I will leave you to it to get some rest but I expect you at the senior team meeting at zero nine hundred tomorrow." Beth stated with one final look around the room.

"Yes ma'am, will do." Avira looked at the chronometer on the wall and realised that it was going to be a very short night, "let me know if you need anything. Personally I mean." She stepped forward to the CO, to be within reaching distance "Is this where we shake hands?"

"I will Lieutenant. I appreciate you reminding me of that." Beth assured. She did not have many people to talk to but the doctor was normally someone she could confide in due to the nature of the role. "We can do. Not all humans find it needed but I can this time." Beth took the woman's hand and shook it.

Some of the human habits were difficult for her to keep straight in her head, and some of them seemed to put a lot of weight on the handshake as a closing of a deal. It made sense from a biological standpoint, but it hadn't been such a big thing for Andorians. Avira shook the outstretched hand and smiled, her antennae perking up at the physical confirmation of the trust the CO put in her to take the roll of Chief Medical on the ship, "Thank you, ma'am. And please, call me Avi, or Doctor Avira if you must." She wanted people to be familiar enough with her to be able to come to her with their issues, physical or mental, if the time came.

OFF::

Commander Bethsabée Leroux
Officer In Charge
NX Atlantis

Doctor Avira zh'Kenarh, M.D.
Chief Medical Officer
NX Atlantis