Looking Forward to Looking Back

Posted on Tue Mar 2nd, 2021 @ 7:36pm by Captain Bethsabée Leroux & Ensign Elegy Nascimento

Mission: Mission 4 - Eden
Location: Deck A - Captain’s Ready Room
Timeline: Day 162 - Time 07:00
2202 words - 4.4 OF Standard Post Measure

The summons to the Captain’s Ready Room had been unexpected.

Elegy had assumed he was doing everything right. By his own recollection, Ensign Elegy Nascimento had covered for Lieutenant Soval in the senior staff briefing that morning; he hoped he had offered valuable insights and he had relayed Captain Leroux’s orders back to the science department. Getting called to the Captain’s office had to mean he had said or done something wrong, he assumed. The anxiety of not knowing was too great; Elegy couldn’t slow down enough to change back into his uniform flight suit. Rather, he showed up at the door to the Ready Room in the form-fitting grey onesie uniform that he’d put to wear under his environmental suit. His hand scanner was in a holster on his hip; aside from the EV suit itself, he was ready to join the away mission to the alien starship. There was just one more thing he had to do.

Elegy pressed the door-chime and he took a deep breath.

Beth turned at the chime echoed through her office and looked at the clock unsure. He was early she realised as she had it all her PADDs aside to focus solely on this conversation and the difficulties it was going to create. “Come in.” She called already knowing who it was. Sovar had confirmed the previous night he was not fit for duty and took to quarters sequestered away from the rest of the ship. It would be an issue for another day she needed to focus on the day to day running of the ship.

Twirling his index finger over the access panel beside the door, Elegy listened for Beth's permission to enter and then he pressed the button. The door slid into the bulkhead and Elegy strode through the hatch. Elegy had hardly made it through the hatchway when he noticed something alarming in his peripheral vision. Having not been familiar with the Ready Room thus far, Elegy ducked a little too much, to avoid and overhead pipe that was at the same height as the top of the door. Once he made it through without hitting his head on anything, Elegy straightened up and he nodded at Beth. "Good morning again, Captain," he said.

Beth smiled as she watched the man duck far too much before straightening up. She coughed and indicated the chair opposite her trying to save his embarrassment. She normally used the other desk but with him being on duty since… well she had not looked at his duty hours but it had to be high. “Please sit Ensign. We need to have a bit of a talk.” She admitted

There had been a bit of flush to Elegy’s cheeks when he’d first walked in. The anxiety of imagining the myriad reasons he was being called to see the Captain had increased his blood pressure. But hearing those words —'we need to have a bit of a talk'— caused Elegy to blanch. Those had been the words so many university boyfriends had used to break up with him. He tightened his jaw and he nervously said, "Have I ever mentioned, Captain, how much it meant to be to be selected for this mission?" As he lowered himself into the chair, he went on with, "Even with how it turned out, the opportunity to make peaceful inroads with the Xindi seemed such exciting work."

Beth smiled wider as she noticed the signs of panic on the man's face and he stumbled through the reason he was happy to be there. Beth nodded. “You had a good record Ensign. One of the few that stood out when me and Leah looked through.” Had it only been months since that day on her living room floor that they had sat through selecting the crew out of all the applications? It felt so much longer since then but she felt like she had aged years in the last 162 days. “Seems a very long time since we selected or rejected people.” She mused as he finally sat down.

When Elegy folded his hands together on the desk, something Beth said caused an odd linkage in his mind. "Selected or rejected," Elegy said softly, echoing her words. His eyes on the down, Elegy said, "Like my husband, Paulo," and those words came out sounding even smaller. Back when Elegy had received the transfer orders to Atlantis, the crew had been assembled from scratch. Paulo had made a transfer request to serve as one of the ship's civilian chefs, leveraging his service to Jupiter Station, but he had been rejected. Having said the words before he knew it, Elegy cleared his throat and added, "Sorry, Captain."

"Like my husband, Paulo," She repeated back to him in a different tone. Beth frowned just a little as she connected for the first time between Elegy and the name Paulo. She remembered the name well and the fact he had requested to join the ship but had not passed medical checks for civilians. There were not many people called Paulo who would have been connected to Earth Starfleet let alone to Atlantis. “No you are allowed that tone and... feelings towards it.” She assured.

"I appreciate that, Captain," Elegy said, looking right at her. He offered a nod, and he added, "Thank you." As much as he conveyed gratitude in his voice, that same warmth didn't quite reach his eyes. Beth's validation of his feelings couldn't change the fact Paulo should have been here, with him. Even without getting lost in the great unknown, the Xindi mission wasn't going to be a quick tour of duty. Having Paulo by his side, would have made a world of difference to Elegy. Unintentionally, Elegy laughed nervously, overwhelmed by his earlier paranoia about the true topic of this meeting, and now this raw, lonely wound on top of it. Elegy tried to stifle it by saying, "I'm sure you didn't invite me here to talk about family..."

Beth smiled but much like that man, it did not reach her eyes. She was justified in rejecting Paulo but she knew that the wound around it was going to be raw for a very long time towards her. She could accept that as long as he did his job is and potentially after agreeing on what she wanted from him going forward. “As delightful as talking families can be I did not. As you know Sovar is going to be unavailable long term and the science department understaffed by a lot but I want you to head it up.” She admitted.

There was nothing conflicted about the expression on Elegy Nascimento's face. He was clearly gobsmacked. Clearly. He gripped the edge of the desk tightly and his his sapphire eyes were wide, when Elegy asked Beth, "You want me to be your Chief Science Officer?" His voice was reedy and incredulous; this was plainly the last thing he expected from the meeting. The Captain was right about the losses in people and laboratory resources the science department had suffered when Atlantis first became lost. Now that Sovar was incapable of serving the crew, that did leave the science department with mostly junior officers. Their analysis of the wormhole data had fallen behind without Sovar's guiding hand. "But what about Lieutenant Darru?," Elegy asked, "He outclasses me in rank and education."

Beth's face broke into a genuine smile as she thought about Darru and why he was not appropriate to be Chief Science Officer at the moment. "Well Darru might outrank you in a Vulcan rank and education as a genetics expert he does not quite have the right personality for Chief Science Officer of this vessel." She said delicately thinking of his approach to securing the future by genetically matching the crew. His heart was in the right place but his head was thinking of things far to logically to be able to run a department with humans. "Sovar had the right personality." It was as simple as that to her. "So yes I do want you to be our Chief Science Officer."

Hearing Beth's statement plainly, Elegy's breath caught in his throat and his face felt hot. Elegy was in such a state of surprise, he practically disassociated for a heartbeat or two; he had an out-of-body experience, watching himself in the moment. Some years ago, Elegy had convinced himself this could never happen again. Back on Jupiter Station, the science department was expansive, and while they hadn't offered him the Chief position, they had asked him to lead the Archeology & Anthropology division. With Paulo's condition deteriorating at the time, Elegy had refused the offer and regretted the decision bitterly. For a time during his sabbatical and aboard the Valiant, Elegy had started his studies for the Command Training Program, but he had never quite finished him amid his transfer to Atlantis At some point along the way, Elegy had convinced himself that Starfleet was unlikely to offer advancement again if his commitment was in question.

"Thank you, Captain," Elegy finally replied, feeling back in his skin. "This is happening. The trust you're showing means the world to me. When I joined Starfleet, this kind of career felt like a luxury to me. I felt very privileged to be spending my days exploring the stars. I never dreamed a crew would depend on one another as deeply as we do."

Beth smiled patiently as she watched the cogs of his brain whirling as he considered everything. She knew her words were correct so it was just him considering it all. She knew she would need a moment if she was in his shoes.

“We have to trust everyone onboard from the lowest crewman to our Romulan. We are in a unique situation where the 73 people onboard are our future as much as we are their future. It’s almost a unique ecosystem we have created of codependency.” Beth said with a shrug. It was a straightforward approach to their situation but Beth quite liked romanticising it all.

Elegy wasn't quite so fast to shrug off Beth's words. His mouth was agape as she spoke, and curling into a smile he couldn't contain. "I've been thinking about it in the same terms," Elegy admitted. The science of systems had been his gateway from the arts to a career as a science officer in Starfleet. The interrelation of things was endlessly fascinating to him. "And how we may need to develop our own cultural norms if we're to survive out here. The Starfleet code of conduct wasn't written for this tour of duty," Elegy said emphatically. As he spoke with his hands, he caught sight of his sleeves, from the environmental suit's under-uniform. Elegy's breath caught in his throat as he reminded himself where and when he was. "But on this day, we have our mission. What are your expectations, Captain," Elegy asked, "of your Science Chief. ...Beyond what's in the Starfleet textbook?"

Beth could speak science just as well as any other language. “The Starfleet code of conduct was written for another time and another place but yes today we need fuel desperately that is our primary mission there. This is our last chance to find anything before we pick a planet and hope for the best. I cannot imagine a ship that size that does not have fuel of some type or something we can use to create something.” Beth was hopeful but you just did not know. It might be too advanced for them, might be too beyond them and not be compatible but she had to hope.

After nodding slowly as Beth spoke, Elegy paused and he took a deep breath. Beth could probably even hear the nervous hitch in his breathing just then. "From your experience," Elegy asked, "what ingredients have made a recipe for success in a new department head?"

"It may sound like a list of cliches but all you can do is be yourself, support wherever you can but do not be afraid to challenge practise where you need to, be clear about your expectations, and expect to be a sounding board for other people’s frustrations. Once you have started to balance these things it is a great job. People have to adapt to seeing you as a leader if you are new to the position, you cannot build Rome in one day. Time and patient Elegy." Beth did not need to remind him just how much the science department had been through so she left that bit out.

Elegy nodded again, slowly, and he briefly stared into the middle distance. "I can give them time and I can give them patience," Elegy said, referring to the science department. He met Beth's eyes, and he added, "Besides, a totally alien starship and the mystery of its silence ought to inflame their sense of adventure. If nothing else, that should help to make us forget where we are, at least for a little while."

That it really was.