He Isn’t Who He Says He Is

Posted on Mon Jun 6th, 2022 @ 6:27am by Ensign Alexandra 'Lexi' O'Connery & Commander William Gerhard
Edited on on Mon Jun 6th, 2022 @ 6:29am

Mission: Mission 6 - Memory
Timeline: Day 298 16:30
2356 words - 4.7 OF Standard Post Measure

Something had been bothering Lexi for days. Something that she couldn’t quite put a finger on as her memory started to come back more and more by the day. She sighed to herself as she hobbled along the corridor with the crutches heading towards the gym where she knew William would be. She stopped in the doorway as someone came out opening the door and watched him for a second before she carried on through the compartment door. She should have said it that morning when they had both woken up fully dressed on top of her bed after the nose bleeding incident but it was just to nice to wake up and do something familiar and not be treated like she was fragile.

William had awoken that morning with Lexi and had not felt any happier in a while. He had decided to capitalize on this feeling and get in a session in the gym. He also did this for another reason, one he had not shared with Lexi. He had been feeling lethargic lately for an unexplained reason, and he hoped that a vigorous workout would reenergize his mind. Having stopped by his quarters to change, he had been working on his upper body, lifting weights and doing pull ups and sit ups. He was currently working the heavy bag, hands wrapped in his usual gloves while his tank top was soaked through with sweat. As he shuffled around the bag, he spotted a familiar face looking at him from the doorway. He smiled slightly and let off a few more punches and kicks to show off before stopping the bag swinging and turning to look at her. His chest rose and fell, the shine of sweat glinting off his arms as he crossed them over his chest and looked at her, "Well hello there."

“Hey… sorry I was just staring and admiring.” She joked a little trying to lighten her thoughts. She knew this was not going to go down well at all when she knew how tight William was to John but something just felt off.

William smiled and looked down at his feet, "Well, looking is free. Touching may cost you." He gave her a goofy grin before striding over to her and leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek. He grabbed a towel from the rack before sitting on the bench to undo his hand wraps. He motioned for her to join him as he worked. "You seem like you have something on your mind," he asked sensing there was more to her being there.

Lexi nodded and sat down heavily next to him putting her crutches on the other side. “I am sure I can afford the cost.” She said lightly before she leaned forward putting her elbows on her leg and leaned her chin on it too look at him. “I do. My memory is returning and something is bothering me.” She started.

He looked at her concerned as he took a swig of water from his bottle before starting to roll his wraps up, "Is there something specific your having trouble with?" He remembered speaking with Avira about what to expect as her memories came back, that some may not be complete. He recalled her advice to help fill in the gaps, but only if she asked him too.

“Well… it is just I do not remember John Smith.” She admitted. It was strange she had no recollection of him until a week or so ago. It was strange but nothing that was revealing had him in and reading back her personal logs had not mentioned him at all. If they were all meant to be close he should have been there.

"What do you mean you don't remember John," he asked curiously as he dabbed at his forehead and neck with his towel. So far, Lexi had not had any trouble remembering the other members of the crew, so this was news to William. "He was at the party, the one Captain Morgan hosted that you said was the last thing you remembered," he offered recalling John being present at the event in question, but also remembering the time he and Lexi had spent together.

Lexi nodded. “There isn’t anything wrong with my memory from that even. I remember that even perfectly and I do not remember John being there.” She responded. “I can remember Captain Morgan’s speech about how important are peacekeeping exercise was. I remember you and and Sloan talking about exercises and drills that I stumbled into meeting you, I remember Beth and Sloan snipping at each other and thinking they’d be cute together if they could get past the snipping.” She winced at the sore spot that was. But Lexi knew the Captain and knew that she needed someone just as vulnerable but as iron cored as her.

William focused on listening rather than interrupt her. She was on a roll, and he was recalling his own memories as she described each event. The difference was, in William's own memories, John was there. He was in each instance, but he refrained from sharing that information since she was still talking.

“I can remember how I practically seduced you speaking Swedish but I cannot remember him.” She carried on.

He nodded, a slight smile coming to his lips, but again John had been there according to William's own memory. When she finished he looked at her an chose a route that he felt might be more gentle in its connotation. "What about your own personal logs? Avira said they could help with your memory by listening to them," he offered encouragingly.

“No… He is not in my personal logs and I do remember him at any point of anything I remember.” Lexi responded feeling the frustration rising like she thought it might over this subject.

He sensed her frustration so he chose his next words carefully, "Lexi, I know its frustrating to hear this, but John was there. Remember that Avira said you may not gain your memories back in full. Perhaps this is just a result of that." He reached out and took her hand and gave it a light squeeze, "John and I arrived at that party together, he came from the Johannesburg with me."

Lexi shook her head. She was not going to pin this on her memory issues at all. Something was not right at all and no one seemed to want to listen to what she had to say. “You have never mentioned serving with him.” She answered resisting the urge to pull away from his hand holding hers.

He thought about that for a minute before answering, "I'm sure I did. With how well we got to know each other, It came up." He looked at her seeing her frustrations rising to the surface. He knew this had to be a side effect from her injuries, what else could the explanation be. "Lexi, I wouldn't worry too much about it. What has Avira said? I'm sure she could give you a better explanation than I," he said before continuing, "Besides, John is just one guy. So you don't remember him, doesn't mean anything by it."

“No.” Lexi snapped finally pulling her hand back. He was trying but she was scared and not understanding what was going on. “You are not getting it. I only remember him in the last week or so.” She muttered annoyed that he was not understanding her.

He looked at her in surprise as she snatched her hand away. He could tell she was upset which was highly unusual for her. "Lexi, I do understand what your saying. What I'm saying is that there could be a possibility those memories of him from so long ago just haven't come back to you," he said calmly before he gave her an upraised eyebrow, "That can be the only explanation, otherwise what is the alternative?"

“I don’t know but he is not mentioned in any of my personal logs and I even mention Tozer and he annoys me as he cannot put the weights back properly.” Lexi reminded. She hated when weights were not out back. There was no way she would be able to put back the heavy stuff easily.

William sighed. He understood her frustration and confusion, but he didn't know what to tell her to help ease her mind. No matter what he said to her, she seemed to get more frustrated. "Are you saying you mention everyone in your personal logs, just not him," he asked knowing that not being her personal logs seemed to be a weak point of evidence.

“I have over the last year yes.” She countered. “He is important to you so I am sure I would have complained about him taking you away from me for boys night or mentioned him in passing but there is nothing.” Lexi said. “Something is not right here.” She said her biggest fear aloud finally. She could not put her finger on it but something was not right.

"First, when have you ever known me to go out for a boys night," he responded knowing full well he had never done that before. While he remembered serving with John, there had never been an instance where a so-called boys night had come up. "Secondly, he's done nothing suspicious or given cause for alarm beside the fact you don't remember him," he continued. William found himself slipping into his armory role now, his investigator senses tingling. What did Lexi want him to do, throw him in the brig? He wasn't about to do that given her condition.

"You have said it several times," Lexi commented amazed that he was not owning the boy's night comment. "John had even called it that at the karaoke night a few days back." She pointed out already moving to grab up her crutches. "Is that not enough?" Lexi said softly. "You are meant to be my boyfriend and I am coming to you with the fact I am scared as weird stuff is happening and you are acting... acting cold." She said pulling herself up.

"I am your boyfriend Lexi, but I'm also the ship's Chief Armory Officer," he said with a sigh as he didn't move to stop her getting up. In honesty he didn't remember the karaoke party, but he chose not to mention that fact. He looked back up at her, "You have to understand the position I'm in. You have had a significant brain injury, one that has caused you to have memory issues. Yes, your memories are coming back, but forgive me if I'm slightly skeptical that you can't remember John. just because he isn't in your personal logs." He threw his wrist wraps into his gym bag and stood as well before turning to face her again, "I can't bring this to the captain without something more concrete, and not being in your personal logs isn't enough."

“I know but I hoped you would understand back.” She muttered starting to feel more and more annoyed at him by the moment. It hurt to feel like that and she could not stand feeling let down.

William rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. He felt a splitting headache coming on, but there was something more. He looked back up at Lexi and for the first time let some of his own frustrations out. "I know I may not be inspiring confidence around here, seeing as how under my watch we've had two deaths, Elegy in stasis, and you with your injuries. I thought that you of all people would still be able to trust me about this. Do you think I'd let John wander around if i thought he was dangerous," he said, his tone increasing slightly. It was true, William had heard some scuttlebutt around the ship, questioning his fitness for his position. He had never let it bother him, but Lexi's refusal to listen to his reason was more than he could handle.

“My injuries and Elegy’s are not yours. Stop feeling like that as under your watch no commanding officer had died but you need to understand that I am bringing something to you and you are not listening to me.” She countered back at him knowing the wounds went deep. “But I am not arguing anymore. I am tired and I am going to bed alone.”

He watched her as she stood. His eyes revealed how hurt he was at her words. He felt like banging his head against a bulkhead, but he just sighed in response. He understood Lexi, and he wanted to assuage her fears. But what was he to do, lock John up in the brig just because Lexi had a bad feeling about him? He couldn't rationalize that against her memory problems. He also couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't fully trust him when he told her not to worry. It reminded him of before the accident, when she wouldn't tell him about what she saw on the data core. He got the same feeling then that he did now, and it hurt him. He wanted to protect her, to protect everyone on the ship. He told her he would, but it was as if she didn't believe him.

"I am listening to you," William said as he stood grabbed his own gym bag," But you're not listening to me either. I can't do anything to John solely based on your bad feelings about him." He turned towards the exit, pausing at the doorway. "I just wish you could finally trust me for once Lexi," he said before turning and exiting the gym. He wasn't happy about the fight they had just had, infact it tore at his heart. He didn't know what this would mean for them, and that scenario scared him. As he continued towards the turbolift, he could feel himself returning to his dark place with each step. This time, he didn't resist.