Trust Issues

Posted on Sun Jun 26th, 2022 @ 7:45pm by Ensign Alexandra 'Lexi' O'Connery & Commander William Gerhard

Mission: Mission 6 - Memory
Location: Brig
Timeline: Day 300 23:50
1688 words - 3.4 OF Standard Post Measure

Lexi was not sure she wanted to do this but with the rumours bouncing around the ship about the Executive Officer she needed to check on the man despite the argument and the awkwardness that had been between them. She was really not feeling strong at all after the workout yesterday with Stenn and being up all day and it getting closer and closer to midnight but she needed to at least face him without anyone around. It was there thing to bring tea or coffee if they knew the other was working late. She held a mug with a lid on that she could not spill while holding it with her crutches and stepped into the brig area.

William had been in his office going over the preliminary forensic reports about Samantha. He was still trying to process the loss of the XO, and so far the crime scene was not revealing much. He hoped the autopsy would shed some more light, but for now he was stuck. There also was the fact that someone, or something, had murdered Samantha. If that was the case, he needed to find out who or what and fast. He could feel the weight bearing down on him, and he had decided to head to bed before driving himself stir crazy. As he headed towards the brig, his thoughts returned to Lexi. He hadn't spoken with her privately since their fight in the gym, preferring to withdraw into himself. Normally he would've just headed to his quarters, but lately he hadn't been sleeping well. There was something about his quarters that seemed to make him feel anxious and tense. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he had an overwhelming urge not to be there. He had taken to sleeping in an empty brig cell, door locks disabled of course. As he entered he looked up and saw a familiar face waiting for him. Lexi stood holding a covered mug. He remembered it was their thing when one was working late, but he avoided her gaze as he stood there.

"Hey," he said softly feeling slightly embarrassed his secret bed had been found.

“Hey.” She answered holding out the mug to him awkwardly trying to not seem annoyed at him when she was still but the ship was in a bad way and he was the one who was going to have to figure it all out. “It is more shaken than I would but I thought it might help.” She admitted with a shrug.

He placed his PADD down on the small bed before taking the offered mug. Removing the lid, he sipped the warm tea. It was prepared just how he liked it, and he nodded a thanks to her in gratitude. "How'd you know I'd be here," he asked indicating the drab surroundings of the brig. He watched her look at him and he wondered he probably looked disheveled.

Lexi looked away as he watched her. “You were not in any usual spots so this was my last spot to look. I thought you might have thrown Sloan in the brig or something.” She admitted with a bit of a shrug as she sat down on the bunk and took in all the details that gave away that he had been sleeping there a bit.

William let the comment about Sloan drop, not wanting to bring up his own personal thoughts around that issue. Instead he looked around at the surroundings before nodding slightly, "I've already been losing sleep lately. For some reason, in here is the only way I can get some decent shut eye." He leaned against one of the bulkheads and sipped from his mug. The brig was more than just a place for him to get sleep, but it represented his state of mind.

“Fair enough.” She mused glancing at him trying to work out what was wrong enough that he would be losing sleep. He looked tired and worn out more than a few sleepless nights would afford him. “Cannot say that it is overly comfortable in here but whatever works.”

"Yeah," he replied electing to take another sip of his tea rather than elaborating on that issue more. He looked around as the silence between them became more awkward before he looked back to her. "How is the crew handling the news about Samantha," he asked. He knew Lexi was his best resource to judge that, especially since he hadn't seen John around lately.

“Cannot say I really know seeing we are all meant to be confined to quarters but I was on the bridge at time of death so I’ve been released.” The woman said with a shrug. “But the people are in disbelief over it all.” She added.

William looked up at her at the mention of being confined to quarters, but then he remembered the captain doing just that. He laughed slightly before looking back down at his boots again. "Right, I guess i forgot about the whole lockdown," he said with a sigh as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. He had heard the same rumblings from the crew as he'd been clearing potential suspects. There was really nothing to go on, and he hoped Samantha's autopsy would at least reveal something. He looked back over at her before offering the mug out to her, "You look like you could use some of this tea." He could see she was tired, though not from lack of sleep like he was.

“It is a difficult situation. So I can understand the lockdown request and us all being kept in isolation until more information was got.” It was not hard to follow the process of the security investigation after all the time of being in a relationship with William. “I am fine thank you. I should try and get some sleep.” She admitted as she tried to organise her thoughts. She wanted to say something mean or something that would produce something other than the quiet awkward conversation but she did not. She held her tongue and shook her head.

William saw her shake her head while she avoided making eye contact with him. He knew when she was annoyed about something, and she was showing those signs. Normally, William wouldn't have pushed the issue, but give their previous fight and his current mental state, he decided to not just leave it alone. "What," he asked pulling the mug back as he looked at her, "You got something you want to say?" His tone conveyed a slight hint of agitation he was sure would set her off.

Lexi but her lip hard before shrugging. “I think I said all I needed to two days ago.” Lexi commented quickly before sighing. “You do not believe my theory nor wish to investigate my concerns.” It was as simple as that in her mind. He did not believe her.

William looked at her, more hurt than upset before he averted his gaze. He set the mug on the floor, not wanting to drink from it in the moment before he looked back at her. He chose his next words carefully, but in all seriousness he didn't care. He had heard something about Lexi that he privately hoped wouldn't be true, but now he wanted to confront her about it. "Is that why you've been talking to Captain Stenn? You don't trust me to keep you safe, so you go to him," he asked as the silence between them grew deafening in his ears.

Lexi let the silence reign for a lot longer than it should have. “I went to him to teach me to fight or at the very least defend myself as you do not believe that there is danger despite how I feel.” Lexi said leaning heavily on her crutches. “He seemed to believe in the possibility.” She added just to make him see how ridiculous the fact he did not even consider it was.

Her words cut through him and stung, but he did his best not to show it. He felt like bashing his head against the steel bulk head because he had tried to explain the situation to her. "We went over that, I told you I need more than just your feelings. I need actual evidence," he said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I've offered before to teach you self defense, but you always declined that," he continued before looking back up at her, "You know Lexi, It's a two way street, but it's clear to me now that you don't trust me or my abilities to do my job."

“No you could have listened to my logs. I would have given permission. You did not even consider the possibility of it all. I trust you to do your job but you do not trust me either. You think I’m this weak little thing because of my what happened on that planet. But I am not and you need to accept that I might be right in this.” Lexi shot back.

William shook his head and pushed off from the bulkhead, he downed the last of his tea before setting the mug on the small bunk. "You believe what you want then. This whole ship can believe what they want," he said as he made his way towards the exit. He paused before looking back at her, "You know sooner or later your going to have to stop being afraid of your own shadow Lexi." He then stepped out of the room without saying another word, knowing full well he may have crossed the line. The all familiar headache returned again as he felt the pressure increasing behind his forehead. He stopped for a moment in the corridor and brought his hands to his forehead. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and forehead before he looked up to stare at the blank bulkhead facing him. As the pain subsided he thought, not for the first time lately, how easy it would be to simply step out of the airlock.