It Hurts But For Only So Long

Posted on Wed Jun 2nd, 2021 @ 7:52am by Captain Bethsabée Leroux & Lieutenant Samantha Leyton

Mission: Mission 4 - Eden
Location: Deck E - Captain Quarters
Timeline: Day 166 - 22:00
1506 words - 3 OF Standard Post Measure

Once Beth had finally showered and got every bit of blood that she could see off her she pulled on a long vest top and a pair of leggings. She finally sat on her bed taking a deep breath trying to order thoughts about what happened in the last 12 hours. It was confusing and she didn’t know how to process it all but the chime of her door interrupted her thoughts. It could have been him but she was pretty sure he would not have ventured into talking about what had happened especially after what had happened since.

“Come in.” She finally called and was surprised by her Executive Officer being the one stood there.

Still in uniform, Samantha entered, still unsure of herself lately since the incident. The loss of Aurelius was all she could think about--her usual joyful complexion was gone. In all honestly, she wanted nothing more than launch a photonic torpedo at the Caelestis. "Hello Captain," she greeted softly. "I just...I don't know. I guess I just came by to see how you're doing," she shrugged.

“Lieutenant please come in.” Beth quickly moved to pick up her towel chucking it into her clothing hamper to wash. Her bloodied uniform was long gone and every trace was gone to sight though Beth was sure it would longer in her mind for a long time. “I am doing okay I think. How about you?” She wondered indicating to the woman to sit down.

Sitting slowly, Sam was quiet for a moment as she looked for the words to say. "Honestly ma'am....I'm lost. I was angry, hurt, upset...but now...I don't know...I guess I'm just numb from it all, but all I know is that damned ship needs to be space debris."

Beth shook her head in sympathy. She could understand why the woman wanting to make the other Ship nothing backspace dust but as the ships commanding officer she could not allow it. "Sam? We do not know if it was anything to do with Ship. You know that right? We need that ship for us all to survive.”

"Then why didn't that damned AI appear when I asked it to?" Samantha looked up. "I refuse to believe that anyone of the crew could have done it. Nobody had a reason to kill him."

"We do not know that. People do strange things when cornered over the silliest of things." Beth said trying to keep her voice level. Sam was hurting and not at all rational. "She has not responded a few time. I and this is between me and you and these walls, I do not believe she is fully in control over there. Both Lieutenant Darru and Ensign O'Connery have seen someone who is not one of us over there. We need to let them investigate. I am guessing seeing you are here they have questioned you?"

Nodding, "yes, ma'am." Samantha let out a long deep sigh. "Then why haven't we picked up any new lifeforms? That AI, EDEN could likely be able to change the appearance of her program."

"It is a ship far more advanced than our own. We have barely explored it. There are many nooks and crannies that someone could hide in. Potentially she can but until proven we cannot judge." Beth reminded levelly finally thinking her shock was leaving her and she was able to be the leader again.

"Then it's high time we start tearing that ship apart piece by piece to look for this mystery person if they exist, ma'am," Sam retorted. "We owe Aurelius that much at least."

“Sam we will but we have to follow a proper investigation. Aurelius would want us to follow our head, not our hearts.” Beth reminded softly trying to be gentle about it as the woman was thinking emotionally. Beth and Aurelius had not ended things like friends, maybe they would have sorted things out eventually so it was sought hot easier for her despite her feelings for the man to compartmentalised it until the right time and place.

"And how is that working out so far?" Samantha shot back, fighting back new tears that threatened to escape. Being so far from home, and now Aurelius was gone, she truly felt alone on the ship. Perhaps it was for the best not to get close to anyone again--at least until they arrived home, if ever.

Beth looked at the woman and for a moment wanted to shoot something back less than unkind but it was not how it was going to work, no one learnt anything from it and it would be a mark on the memory of the man they both had affection for. Beth slowly rose from where she was perched and walked over to the woman kneeling in front of her wrapping her arms around the younger woman. "Let it out. It will help." She promised. Grief had to be done in slow stages and it could not be dealt with in one day.

Samantha wasn't sure how to respond. A part of her wanted to break down but the Starfleet officer in her wanted to push it aside. It wouldn't do the crew any good to see the ship's XO breaking down and crying. Letting out a ragged sigh as a tear escaped and rolled down her cheek, she cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, Captain. I shouldn't have snapped at you."

“No but I am not going to put you in the brig for it.” The Captain assured softly. She did not let go, the woman would know what route she wanted to take. “Sam you cannot keep it all bottle up. Better out than in but that’s me.”

"I'm the XO, ma'am...I can't be seen crying. I'm stronger than this," she replied, her voice shaking with each word she uttered. It seemed the harder she fought to push it aside, the more she felt like breaking down as she recalled when Aurelius gave his flight wings to her soon after they met.

“It’s just me. The crew saw me cry and scream today.” Beth offered pulling back to o sit back where she had moments before. She could not force the subject, it was down to the woman but Beth sure felt better than she had 23 hours before.

"Well, that's because you're a pansy, ma'am," she teased as tears began to flow down her cheeks. She sure could use Aurelius' advice right about now.

"I might be a pansy but I can speak pansy in 15 languages fluently," Beth said softly before sitting back watching the woman carefully. It was going to hurt like hell for a long time but it would either destroy her or make her a damn fine officer. Beth stayed quiet for a long time before she finally decided to say something. "Trust me as someone who was widowed at a young age it will hurt like hell but it makes it strong if you... if you let yourself go through the emotions properly." No one really knew Beth had been married before apart from Leah and anyone who had served with her on the Delta or Triste.

"I hadn't realized you were married, ma'am...I'm sorry for your loss," Samantha replied, blinking away the tears before clearing her throat. She wondered why she was just now learning this, even though she knew deep down it was really none of her business.

“I married very young. Not many people realise I was widowed by the age of 23.” Beth admitted with a small smile as she thought about her husband. He would have found it all very amusing that It had been what drove her into Earth Starfleet and out into a the universe. The woman who had never wanted to leave home now stuck out in the universe the furthest humans had ever gone from earth potentially.

"May I ask what happened, ma'am?" Sam asked, taking a deep breath to attempt to calm herself.

“Thomas started to feel tired and not able to see straight. We went to hospital where it was discovered he had a brain tumour that was inoperable. Within six months he was gone.” Beth murmured. It was as simple as that, it hurt but it did not make her numb or want to crawl into bed. Leah and the people she had found in Starfleet had changed that.

"Again, I am sorry," Samantha said softly. Letting out sigh, she stood. "I should let you get to sleep, ma'am."

Beth nodded. “I appreciate it Samantha but it does not hurt. I feel like a lifetime has passed since those days.” She admitted with a nod. She would love sleep but if the woman wanted to talk she was all ears and would help best she could. Sometimes though you had to do through the trauma and pain yourself.

"Very well. I will see you in the morning, ma'am," she said softly as she made her way to the door.

 

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