This Changes Nothing

Posted on Fri May 13th, 2022 @ 8:35am by Ensign Michael Sloan & Commander William Gerhard

Mission: Mission 6 - Memory
Location: Mess Hall - E Deck
Timeline: 04:00, Day 101
1342 words - 2.7 OF Standard Post Measure

William sat in a chair facing one of the many windows in the Mess Hall. Ever since the instance aboard the alien ship, he had been having trouble sleeping. While Lexi had been helping him to cope with what happened, he still had trouble. He had awoken sharply covered in sweat, and after gently removing himself from Lexi's warm embrace in bed, he had cleaned himself up and made his way to the mess hall. He now set looking at the stars and sipping some hot tea as he tried to center his thoughts. The sound of the hatch opening brought him out of his solitude as he looked over to see who had entered so late at night.

First days were difficult. Since Michael had shown some aptitude in hacking the alien memory core and helped in rescuing Beth, things had changed. He had been given a rank again and was promoted to Chief Engineer. While that was an honor, he had to work double hard to prove himself worthy. And if that meant a late night in an empty mess going over schematics on a PADD with a cup of Colombia’s finest, that is exactly what he was going to do.

Completely missing that he was not alone, Sloan grabbed his coffee and found an empty chair next to a viewport. The stars were both calming and a reminder of just how far from home they really were. As he settled in his chair, he began whispering about certain readings and how they might make the dilithium efficiency slightly better.

William scoffed when he saw who had entered. Sloan's promotion to Chief Engineer had been an issue he had fought the captain over. William was still convinced that Sloan could not be trusted, and he considered placing him in such a sensitive position to be inherently dangerous. The captain had been firm that his "skills" as a Romulan engineer would benefit the ship and she believed his contrite nature. William had considered it incredibly naive of her to trust him, and he had attributed it to her own personal feelings about the man. He heard him mumbling to himself about "dilithium efficiency" and he rolled his eyes.

"No one in here for you to impress, so you can stop the act," he called out flatly as he returned his gaze back to stars and sipped from his mug.

The moment the voice same from a nearby table, Sloan knew exactly who was speaking. That very person was also the last one the Michael had wanted to run into while on the outside. "Not trying to impress anyone, just working to get us home," he stated, looking up momentarily to look the other man in the eyes. Taking a sip of coffee, the Chief Engineer buried himself back into the PADD to run a few models of some new calibrations.

William rolled his eyes, "Sure you are, not much waiting for you back home except a Starfleet prison cell. Or could it be your trying to find some way of convincing everyone your 'changed'." He made quotation marks with his hands as he said the last bit, the condescension showing through. He really didn't have the stomach to be in the same room with Michael unless absolutely necessary.

"Listen, we can keep this up for as long as you want," Michael stated. Pretending to look at the clock on the wall, the Chief Engineer's eyes fell back toward William. "Romulans age like Vulcans. If the projections are true, I'll be an old man when we reach Earth again and you would be around, what ninety years past your life expectancy?" Taking a sip of coffee, Sloan asked, "Is this really how you want to spend your time?" Looking back at his PaDD, Sloan murmured, "Sad."

William rolled his eyes again. "What's sad is you thinking your 'Mr. Engineer'. It's all bullshit. You think by play acting as an engineer you can win back our hearts," he said before sipping from his mug again. "Well, forgive me if I don't shower your praises, but I'm too busy keeping everyone here alive. A job you were supposed to do but," he continued before adding a wince for affect, "Didn't do such a good job at that."

"At this point, I don't give a shit about hearts and minds," Michael slipped. "I'm just doing my job." Looking into his cup of coffee, Michael thought about getting a refill but decided being accused of running away was not worth it. The truth was that he was tired of running from the accusations, people would either accept him or hate him. Either way, it was on them. "Funny, the death toll under the ever watchful William Gerhard seems to be higher than it was under mine. And the Captain was never held hostage under on my watch, what are you up to now, twice?" The crew must be brimming with confidence." It was probably something he should not have said, but a person can only take so much.

William looked back at Michael and for a moment the two men simply stared each other down. His accusations had stung, but he didn't want to give Michael the satisfaction of that he had gotten to him. As the moment passed a smile slowly came to his face as he pointed at Michael. "And there he is. There is the true man your trying so desperately to hide," he said before standing and collecting his mug. "Won't be long until you’re not able to hide that side of you for too much longer, and when that day comes I'll be there," he said before making his way to the exit. He paused momentarily and looked back as Michael sat there looking out the viewport, "And your little tryst with the Captain won't save you."

“Maybe if you focused a little more on ship security instead of my personal life, maybe we would all be a little safer,” Michael replied, sensing that he had hit a nerve. Shaking his head a bit in disappointment, Michael looked back at William. “Do you know why I selected you out of all the other candidates to be my second in command?” He let the question hang for a moment, “It was because you were the only one who didn’t want to kick down the door to the Xindi Council with phase pistols blazing. You could put personal feelings behind you for the safety of the crew and for Earth.” Gazing into the other man’s eyes, Michael added, “I may be everything you say about me. But, I am also the Starfleet officer who earned his place here. That was me, not whomever the real Sloan was. Just as I can’t run away from what I am, you can’t run from what you are. A damn fine officer who puts duty above personal feelings.” Keeping his eyes locked on William’s, Michael finished with, “I just hope that I will be there for that day because we can’t keep this up forever without endangering everyone.”

William stood there and looked back at Michael as he spoke. His words stung, and there was something deep down that told him everything that he was saying was true. But, his pride pushed it's way to the surface, and he looked away as he pressed the button to open the hatch. Before walking out, he paused to call back over his shoulder, "This changes nothing." He then walked out into the corridor as the hatch closed behind him. He paused on his way to the turbolift and looked down at the mug he held in his hand. He turned and threw it back down the corridor, the sounds of it clanging echoing off the walls. He stabbed at the turbolift call button as he felt his face getting hot. He felt himself going back to his dark place, and he knew the best place would be his quarters.

 

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