A Friend at the End

Posted on Thu Dec 1st, 2022 @ 8:31am by Captain Bethsabée Leroux & Ensign Victoria Jemison

Mission: Sojurn
Location: EV Locker Room
Timeline: Day 334 09:00
1831 words - 3.7 OF Standard Post Measure

"Today is your day to make your mark on Human history." It had been the last sentence spoken at her graduation ceremony. Victoria remembered seeing her friends for the last time that night. Over drinks they had shared their hopes, their dreams, and how they were going to impact history. She had been only one of four of her graduating class of engineers to be selected for an NX class ship. And not only that, she had been selected for the newest and most advanced model to roll off the line. That night of graduation, many of her classmate talked about changing history. But, Victoria knew that she was in a prime position to actually do something about it.

The look of her parents' faces as she said her goodbyes. They were so proud. Even Jemison was proud of herself, and why should she not have been? She had worked every day since she was little on her goal of becoming a Starfleet Engineer. She had built models of the test flights as she grew up, studied technical manuals far above her reading level, and even got in trouble more than once for dismantling and reassembling household appliances. The feeling she got when she first came aboard the Atlantis in drydock could only be described as pure elation.

However, today was a completely different day. Victoria had always held out hope of seeing home again. It was far fetched, but something inside always told her that it was possible. When the engine caught fire and became disabled, something inside her broke. Spending almost two days working non-stop to repair it had the positive of forcing her to pour everything into work. With the repairs taking longer and the damage being more extensive, the engineers had broken up into teams and given forced rest periods. While she had practically passed out from exhaustion, she did eventually wake up to all her feelings and fears rushing into her head. Jemison had forced some food down, then found a small little nook to be by herself for a moment. Her little nook had turned out to be the EV suit locker room just outside of the airlock. With no one expected to go outside of the ship, she thought it would give her a moment to have a cry.

Beth couldn’t sleep but she could not work either. She had to show willing and the same as the senior officers she had sent to bed after the day of chaos and attempts to fix stuff. She dragged herself from bed being careful not to wake Michael and put on gym clothes and trainers and decided that run around a few decks might help her calm her mind and allow her to get some sleep. She was on her third circuit when she heard a sound somewhere she did not expect and paused. “Hello?” She called as she looked up and down the corridor.

Sniffing and quickly wiping her eyes to hide that she had just spent the last few minutes ugly crying, Victoria stood up. "It's me," she called out before quickly seeing that she was almost face-to-face with the Captain. "Uh, Ensign Victoria Jemison," she added, more formally.

Beth had not recognised the voice until it was right in front of her and she jumped back in surprise. She glanced behind the woman and looked at the space that she’s been in a hiding in, it really has been a perfect hiding space that she would remember it for the future when she needed a moment to herself. “Are you okay ensign?”

"Yeah," Victoria began, not wanting to show weakness to the Captain. Sighing and looking to the floor, the truth came out, "Well, no. This is awful and we're working around the clock to try to figure out how to get the warp engine working again."

Beth indicated the floor and gracefully dropped their sitting there cross legged. No one would wander upon them and if they did what would they really say?. “And you are working as hard as you can no one can ask any more of you Victoria. Everyone is doing their best.” Beth knew that.

Being faulted for the accident was not something that Victoria had thought about, her fears were more introspective. She quickly joined the Captain on the floor, crossing her legs as children do when they gather in a group on the floor. As she looked toward the Captain, Jemison explained what she was feeling, "No matter how bad things got, who was chasing us, I always held up hope that we would find ourselves back home. We'd find a wormhole or some advanced civilization or, I don't know, an all-knowing non-corporeal being that we have yet to find would get us home with a snap of their fingers." Realizing she was getting too carried away, she breathed and said, "But now, this is the first time I've ever felt like I'll never see Earth again."

It was hard to watch a member of her crew look so down on a choice that was made for her. Beth had expected the ship eventually would have a mental health crisis but now seeing it laid out in front of her coming to fruition she was not sure how to act. She nodded and leaned out putting her hand on the woman’s. She knew some of the crew made a life for themselves whilst others silently rebelled and resented what had happened which was out of all their hands. “I am sorry you feel like that. Is there anything I can do?” Beth offered.

Shaking her head, Victoria responded, "No, there's nothing any of us can do but live." It was such an easy statement, but it held so much weight. It meant more than just surviving, it meant more than just making it to the next resource, it meant more than finding meaning, yet it included all of those in such a small sentence.

Beth nodded and squeezed the woman’s hand softly. “That’s a very weighty subject.” Beth commented on her thoughts similar to the woman’s “Some people are finding it very hard” Hope was a very precious thing. And once is broken lost it’s hard to get back.

A closer look at Victoria would have revealed engine soot and other grime that all of the engineers would almost never be able to fully remove. "How do you do it?" Victoria asked. "How do you keep us all together while holding yourself together. Look at me, I'm a mess and you still look like we're just leaving drydock."

Beth didn’t quite know how to react to that comment. She did not feel like she looked the same as they were when they left right up she felt like she had aged a decade if not more. “Because what other choice do I have? I cannot let any of you down.” Beth said simply but was as easy as they. Her breakdowns were private and no one saw that vulnerable side of her in the slightest.

"And we can't let you down," Victoria replied, eyes tearing up as she gestured around. "Yet here we are," she said, leaving the part about letting the Captain down unspoken.

“You did not let me down. No one has let me down Victoria.” Beth said shaking her head as she leaned out putting a hand on the woman’s shoulder. It was a subtle move that she did not normally do but Victoria needed some comfort. “Every person on the ship is a cog in this machine that’s got us this far. None of us works without the other. From me all the way down the chain of command to a crew man who works in communications or science.” She said thinking of the discussion in the middle of the night with Michael when she had thought she had wanted to be alone.

"But the engine didn't explode due to the crewman in the comms," Victoria replied. She appreciated the gesture, but the guilt of the entire situation was starting to get to her. Deep down she knew that the engine was not designed to be pushed for almost a year without docking for maintenance. But, that was not something they could do out here in the unknown. Even knowing that this was something that was probably eventually going to happen, it did not help her rest easy when she laid down her head at night.

“And neither did this Engineering Officer,” Beth said firmly. “And if one of you was to blame that is a pretty stupid system and I will be having a lot of words with Ensign Sloan,” Beth said lightly knowing that it was no one’s fault apart from the situation that they were in. The situation was out of anyone’s control. It was something that no one had ever considered in designing this ship.

"I followed Captain Morgan's work in the delta project," Victoria stated. "The race to warp four made me want to become an engineer out here in space," she added. "We never expected to be stuck more than a month from rescue. Everything was designed for the sprint, not the marathon."

"Exactly so this is no one's fault. It is fate and circumstances outside of anyone's control who is on this ship." Beth assured moving a little bit to get more comfortable on the floor. She stretched out her legs in front of her and sighed softly. "It will certainly be a marathon going forward."

"I think that's finally starting to hit me," Victoria replied. The wormhole and just being out here to begin with had been enough to keep her in the delusion that they would find a way back home. A slide in the game of Candyland if you will, but the longer they were out here the more the delusions were broken.

“And you are not alone in feeling like that. But we are all here to support you with it. You are not alone.” Beth promised wishing she could offer more than be there to discuss it all and get what they could out in the open. Honesty was the best policy in dealing with the type of situation that they were.

"Well you have all of us too," Victoria smiled back at the Captain. If she had to be stuck this far from home, there could certainly be worse people to be with out here.

Beth nodded she very much did have everyone around her. It was just something that she needed to remind herself about constantly as she was still learning that leadership was about give and take. She had been giving a lot more than she had been taking but that had been changing recently as she adapted but it was still a learning curve. “That I do. It’s nice to be reminded though.”